In the Wake of the Storm
by Indelible Evidence
Summary: After Sandstorm's fall, Kurt and Jane face the future together, dealing with their feelings about Shepherd's capture, Roman's escape, the closing of Jane's casefile...and each other. Episode tag to 2x22, following canon to start, but with no fading to black. ;)
1. Where I Want to Be

**Author's Note** : Because apparently I don't have enough works in progress, here's basically my screen-to-fic rendering of that Jeller scene at the end of season 2 (before the time-skip that teases for season three). No annoying scene-flashes or fade-to-black, I promise. ;D And yes, this will be multi-chapter, partly because they have a lot of sex to have, and partly because they have a lot of talking to do, about Shepherd and Roman and their relationship and the future. :)

* * *

Kurt had been staring out into the night for pretty much forever. Sandstorm had been neutralised. The biggest case of his career was over, and with it, any obligation Jane Doe had to the FBI. She had her immunity for crimes past, granted in full. He'd drafted the document, and Hirst had signed it. Jane was officially a free woman—now, all that remained was for her to choose a new identity and relocate to California, if that was where she decided to go.

The stab wound in his leg protested as he shifted his weight. It had been thirty-four hours since he'd collapsed on the blacktop outside the ambulance in DC. Thirty-four hours since he'd seen Jane crouching over him, concerned and exhausted.

 _If there's something you want to say to her, I wouldn't put it off._ Patterson's words replayed in his mind. Those last moments before he'd passed out were so hazy, blurred with pain, adrenaline and relief. Had he actually said the words he'd meant to say? Or had he passed out before they'd transferred from his brain to his mouth?

She hadn't called him. Hadn't been there for his speech in SIOC, where he'd thanked the wider team for their dedication to the case. When he'd gone down to medical to check on her, the personnel there had told him he'd just missed her.

He'd left her a voicemail inviting her to the celebration drinks at his place tonight—just the core team members. Patterson, Reade and Zapata were all already inside, laughing, joking and drinking. They'd all come out of this with scars, some deeper than others, and Weller knew he should be inside with his team, unwinding, reforging the bonds with them that had been stressed during the case. Patterson, especially, had been pushed to breaking point. She deserved all the support in the world after the miracle she'd pulled off with the help of NASA the other day.

But Jane wasn't here, and an illogical part of him was terrified that he'd never see her again. That in a few days, he'd get a postcard from California, thanking him for his friendship and the work he'd done on her case, and wishing him well.

Her mother was in a CIA black site—Jane had to suspect that, even if she didn't know it for sure. How would Kurt feel if his own father had been subject to that treatment? There was no doubt that both Shepherd and Bill had done unforgivable things, though their crimes differed in scale. In Jane's place, Kurt would be devastated, even as he knew the punishment fit the crime.

Was she mourning the loss of her family ties at her safehouse, alone? Should he go over there? He couldn't. His team needed him tonight. But he needed to see her, needed to hold her, even if it was the short embrace of a friend.

What if she just wanted to forget the last two years had ever happened? Remove the tattoos, cut all ties with New York, and get on with her new life? He couldn't begrudge her that. She'd been through hell.

Later. He'd think about it later.

Patterson's laughter rang out inside, and Kurt finally went back indoors.

"What are you guys laughing about?" he asked, reaching for a glass.

Behind him, the sound of the door opening made his heart skip. He turned, forgetting about everything else, to watch Jane step in with a tiny, awkward wave and sheepish smile.

He crossed the room towards her, knowing the rest of the team were watching, but not giving a damn. Jane's face was covered in bruises, and he resisted the instinct to cup her face in his hands and examine her more closely. If medical had discharged her, she was fine.

"I didn't think you were coming," he said, trying to read her expression.

"Can I talk to you for just a second? Outside?" She seemed nervous. That made two of them.

He nodded and followed her out into the hall, shutting out the curious gazes of their friends.

"Uh…" Jane hesitated with a light laugh, though her smile gave him butterflies. Whatever she was about to say, at least she was happy. That was the most important thing.

Then she looked down, her nerves clearly getting the better of her, before forcing herself to look up at him once more. "So… They said I could go anywhere."

She looked so serious now. He couldn't breathe, couldn't say anything to spur her on. All he could do was wait, leaning against the wall, and hope his world wasn't about to fall apart.

"But this is where I want to be."

He gave her a tiny smile, relief stealing the strength from his limbs for a moment. At least, if nothing else, she'd still be in his life. But she had more to say.

"I love you too, Kurt," she half-whispered, then exhaled as though saying the words had released a huge burden.

He still couldn't speak, but now it was because there were no more words to be said. He let his actions speak for him, everything else fading from his consciousness as he stepped forward.

"And I… And I just, I—" Flustered by his lack of response, she tried to fill the silence until he slid his hand to the back of her neck and silenced her with a kiss.

Her breath caught, and she kissed him back, swaying a little into his embrace. Their last kiss had been tinged with sorrow and shock, so soon after Shepherd's assault on SIOC that it had been mostly about comfort and connection, not sexual desire. This moment had been building up for months, through heartache, danger and terror, not to mention the jealousy of watching her get close to another man. To have her here now was almost overwhelming, and he drank her in, pulling her closer as she wound her arms around his neck.

 _Yes, Jane. Yes._ This was where she wanted to be. This was where she was meant to be. And he wasn't letting her go.

As if by unspoken agreement, they drew back enough to look at each other, and finally, he could breathe again, smile again.

 _She loves me._ He couldn't help but press another kiss to her lips, swift and sure.

"We should probably go inside, huh?" Jane's voice was husky with emotion, her eyelids heavy with desire.

"Yeah. The team are waiting." And god, he wanted to throw them all out into the street right now. It would almost be worth the teasing they'd get for the rest of their lives.

Jane didn't step back, and neither did he. For a long moment, they just gazed at each other, unwilling to leave this perfect moment behind.

Then a scuffle behind one of the doors down the hall signified someone was about to leave their apartment, and with a sigh, Kurt made himself move. "Come on. Let's go grab a drink."

She smiled and glanced up into his face when he touched the small of her back, and he fought the urge to kiss her again.

 _Later._

* * *

Jane cleared her throat, flustered, as she opened the apartment door again. She was pretty sure everyone inside knew exactly what had just been going on out in the hall—in fact, if eavesdropping had been involved, she wouldn't be surprised.

Before she could apologise to the team for not saying hello sooner, Reade got up from his seat with a nonchalance that was completely unconvincing. "Hey—sorry, my boy called. Gotta bail."

Zapata chipped in, "And he is my ride, so I'm going too…" She left the apartment in Reade's wake, unable to suppress her smile.

 _Oh, god._ Jane tried to keep a straight face, hoping the bruises on her face would hide her blush. They all totally knew.

Patterson didn't even bother with tact as she completed the sudden mass exodus from Weller's apartment. "Yeah, I'm gonna go to, uh, not here." She clapped each of them on the shoulder as she passed. "Have fun. I'll see you guys when I see you."

Kurt pushed the door shut before any of them could change their minds. "And goodbye."

Jane couldn't help but laugh before she turned back to Kurt, anticipation tingling down her spine as she bit her lip. The look he gave her was pure, mischievous lust.

"So," Jane said, still trying to keep a straight face, "what do you want to do now?"

The way their relationship had gone so far, she wouldn't have been surprised if he'd immediately backed off and offered to get her a drink. But their confessions of love had broken down the final wall between them, and there was no room for doubt amidst the rubble that remained.

"I have a few ideas," he said, taking a step towards her.

It seemed like the weight of the world had fallen from his shoulders in just a few short minutes. Had he really thought she could leave after hearing that he loved her? She shouldn't have waited so long to come over.

They shouldn't have waited so long to do this.

"Tell me again," she murmured, sliding her palms up the front of his shirt as she moved closer.

He didn't have to ask what she meant, his expression fading to seriousness as he cupped her face in one hand. "I love you, Jane. More than anything."

"I love you." It felt so much less terrifying to say it a second time, the certainty that he returned her feelings—that he hadn't regretted his words in DC—lifting her spirit and lightening her heart.

He rested his forehead against hers gently, mindful of her bruises as his smile re-emerged. "Think we should go to bed?"

She didn't waste time on a verbal reply, surging forward to kiss him the way she'd always wanted to—fiercely, heatedly, a promise and a plea for more, now, right now. Kurt gave the barest hint of a groan as he responded, his tongue teasing hers as he stroked his palms up her lower back, beneath her shirt.

This was more skin-to-skin contact than they'd ever shared, and yet, still not enough. He seemed to reach the same conclusion, spinning her to face the wall and driving her up against it, shielding her body from the impact with his arms before pressing against her.

Oh, god, he was hard for her, and she couldn't help but arch closer, rubbing her clit over the ridge in his jeans. The friction was perfect, even through their clothing, and he gave a soft, appreciative curse at the slow, hard rhythm of her grind against him.

He pulled at her shirt, somehow managing the buttons, though his movements were uncoordinated, rushed. Jane wanted to help, but she couldn't stop kissing him, every glide of his lips over hers satisfying a craving deeper than sex. When he pushed the shirt off her shoulders, she could hardly bear to unwind her arms enough to get rid of it, but made herself break the kiss, just for a moment.

Kurt gazed down at her exposed torso as though he wanted to devour her, reverence and heat all in one look. Her breasts were still hidden by her sports bra, but she might as well have been naked, his face was so appreciative.

"Not really a surprise, right?" she said, her voice emerging breathless. "I know you've seen pretty much my entire body already in the casefiles."

"This is different," he said, stroking his hand down her throat, all the way to where her bra began. "This is you. It's real. And you want me to see it."

Jane nodded, unexpectedly emotional at the simple way he'd described it. When she'd come out of the bag, she'd been too stunned and shaken to protest as Patterson had digitally scanned her entire body. The images had been edited to preserve as much of her modesty as possible, but the tattoos covered so much of her, it was easy to fill in the blanks, except for in the extreme close-up images of each inked design. She'd grown used to the idea that the team all knew her body almost as intimately as she did. But this was different. The consent she gave Kurt to view her body now was given out of joy and desire, not necessity. And the fact that he was appreciating the difference made it all the more erotic.

She pulled him into another kiss, trying to convey just how much she felt in this moment. He tangled his fingers in her hair, tilted her head back to kiss her more deeply, his breath shaking as she reached for his belt.

He broke the kiss just as she managed to get the buckle undone, shaking his head. "If we don't move now, we're gonna end up doing this right here."

"I don't care where, as long as we do."

The next thing she knew, Kurt lifted her off her feet. With a cry of startled laughter, Jane wrapped her legs around his waist and let him carry her to the bedroom, embracing the feeling of being out of control for the first time in her remembered life.

She was still laughing as he stopped at the foot of the bed, and she slid down his body to regain her footing, then lower to sit down on the bed.

Kurt leaned down to kiss her before she could act on any of the possibilities her new position suggested to her, his fingertips slipping under the hem of her sports bra in a wordless question. Jane lifted her arms and let him pull it up over her head, then leaned back on her hands as he trailed open-mouthed kisses down her neck, over the newly revealed tattoos, to circle one of her nipples with his tongue.

His hands and lips on her body sent shivers of pleasure through her, but she wanted more; wanted to even things up between them and take a first taste of the body of the man she loved. Before he could continue downwards to her navel, she sat up again, reaching for his shirt buttons as she reclaimed his lips.

He shrugged out of his shirt distractedly, his focus completely on kissing her, on teasing her nipples until her hips shifted of their own accord, her body desperate for more contact between them. She stood up again, catching her breath as she pressed herself against his warm, solid chest.

Kurt cupped her ass in his hands, and she rocked against his hard-on again, torn between the equally attractive options of tearing off his pants, or staying this close to him. The need to have him inside her won out, and their lips met yet again as she drew back to find his zipper.

She got distracted with her hand inside his pants, teasing his cock through his underwear. Somehow, he kept his composure enough to strip her down first, his kisses becoming rough and desperate as she dipped her hand inside his boxer-briefs to close her hand around his erection. As she stroked slowly up towards the head, he finished the job she'd started, pushing down his jeans and underwear to make her movements easier.

When his touch slipped down between her thighs, Jane cried out into his kiss, widening her stance in wordless encouragement and tilting against the delicious pressure of his fingers. Kurt breathed a curse against her lips, his cock pulsing in her hand, and Jane's control gave out.

They'd spent too long hesitating. Even though this was just foreplay that would lead to the inevitable, she didn't want to waste any more time. Later, they could spend forever driving each other crazy, but now she just needed him over her, inside her.

Jane pulled him backwards onto the bed, conscious of the bandages obscuring his stab wound as she stretched out on her back, with him over her. "Your leg—" she started, but he shook his head with a small smile.

"My leg is the last thing I'm thinking about right now."

She opened her mouth to suggest that maybe he should be more careful, but he cut off her words with a hot, insistent kiss as he lowered his naked body onto hers, and all of a sudden his leg was the last thing she was thinking about, either.

They rocked together, his hard shaft giving provocative friction against her clit, making her sigh with pleasure. "Now," she whispered, reaching down between them to take him in her hand. "I don't want to wait any longer."

He nodded, breathing hard, but hesitated. "Birth control?"

"I have an implant." She tilted up her hips, moving him right where she needed him. "Take me, Kurt."

"Yes, ma'am."

The look he gave her, amusement and need and love all at once, melted her deep inside. And then he was driving inside her, careful but demanding, making her gasp and arch and close her eyes as he filled her. When he'd stopped moving, his thick cock fully buried within her, she opened her eyes to find him gazing down at her, gauging her response.

"Kurt," she whispered, tracing her fingertips down his cheek. Being this close to him, this intimate, made her feel something she couldn't possibly describe, but she felt like she couldn't pass the moment unmarked.

He nodded, a smile playing about his lips, completely focused on her. He could feel it too; she knew it instinctively.

"No more waiting," she whispered, and pulled his head down to kiss him.

He growled appreciatively against her lips as he began to move, slowly and steadily at first, but picking up the pace as she encouraged him on, dragging her nails down his back and over his ass. They found their rhythm in bed just as they'd formed an effective team in the field, reading each other's unspoken signals, working together to pursue a common goal.

Jane cried out with pleasure as he figured out exactly the right angle to hit her sweet spot, then opened her eyes when he laughed softly, finding him watching her with amusement, even as he drove her a little closer to climax with each tilt of his hips. He didn't need to explain his reaction—she'd take a bullet with hardly a sound, but he was unravelling her far faster with pleasure than pain would ever achieve. And they were both loving every second of it.

"More," she gasped out, bracing her feet against the bed so she could move up against him faster, harder. "I'm almost…"

Kurt met her plea with everything she needed, bracing himself on one arm to dip his fingers down to her clit with the other. Jane grabbed a fistful of the bedcovers as the glorious tension within her built even higher, so intense that she didn't think she could stand it. She called out his name just because she could, just because it was true; he was with her right now, pushing her to the brink.

" _Kurt!_ "

The tidal-wave of sensation finally overwhelmed her, each strong pulse of her climax rippling around his cock. Just a few heartbeats later, Kurt slowed his movements, slamming into her with desperate, rhythmic jolts as he took his own release, then collapsing onto her, his strength giving out.

At first, she couldn't make out what he was breathlessly whispering against her hair, but then her brain put it together and her heart swelled. "Jane… Oh, god, Jane…"

"Mmmm…" She buried her face in his shoulder and inhaled his scent, stroking his hair as they lay together. "You feel so good like this."

Kurt rested his head beside hers, turning to press a kiss to the sensitive spot just behind her ear. "I'm gonna crush you if you don't let me up."

Jane hooked her feet around the back of his thighs and held on tighter. "I like it."

He smiled against her neck. "Yeah? What else do you like?"

"Kissing you."

As he lifted his head to do just that, Kurt reached for her hands and entwined their fingers, pinning her arms gently to the bed. She could have easily broken free, but had no desire to do so, enjoying the feel of him pinning her down.

Now that they'd slaked that initial, undeniable thirst for each other, some of the urgency had left them, replaced by a kind of languid certainty. They were together. They loved each other. And for the first time—maybe for the first time since he'd asked her to try to remember him, and she'd reached out hesitantly to touch his face—they were completely sure of where they stood.

Jane smiled against Kurt's lips, unable to stop herself. He returned the expression as he looked down at her, cocking his head a little and pretending to be confused. "You happy, or something?"

"Getting there. I do have a suggestion for making me even happier, though."

A man less secure in his masculinity would have taken it as criticism of his sexual performance. Kurt just grinned and rolled onto his back, bringing her with him. "Be my guest. Some things might have to wait until the leg is healed, though."

Jane immediately shifted her weight off him and sat up, intent on checking his dressings for blood. "Are you okay? I shouldn't have pushed you so hard."

"Yes," he said, so emphatically that she glanced over to see him smiling, but exasperated. "You should have."

Taking the hint to stop fussing over him, Jane slid up to lie in the crook of his arm. "What I have in mind will completely take the stress off your leg. I promise."

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Now you have to tell me."

Mischievously, Jane leaned in and whispered two suggestive words in his ear. "Pizza delivery."

Before she could draw back, Kurt seized her and dragged her on top of him, laughing as he covered her face and neck with kisses. She gave in to her own laughter, enjoying the warmth of his skin and this new, intoxicating lack of inhibition between them.

"I love you so much," he told her, finally letting her sit up once more.

"Are you talking to me, or the pizza?" she teased, reaching for her discarded pants to retrieve her phone, so she could bring up the delivery app.

Kurt barely let her get the phone out of her pocket before he pulled her back into his arms. "Yep, you've discovered the real reason I've never been married. I'm too emotionally drawn to takeout."

Jane handed him the phone, the app called up on the screen. "You can pick the pizza. I will be right back."


	2. Perfect Together

**Author's Note:** Fluff, anyone? Jeller have a conversation about all the things that went wrong in their relationship before they finally got together. I might have missed a few little moments out, though. **  
**

* * *

Pizza ordered, Kurt lay back on the bed and tried to ignore the pain in his leg. He'd overexerted himself, too lost in Jane to care much about the deep slice in his thigh. Maybe it had been a bad idea from a medical point of view, but he'd needed to give her what she craved—and if he was being honest, his ego had come into play a little. He'd wanted to impress her with his sexual technique, unable to bear the idea that he might not live up to her expectations after all the build-up of their relationship.

He was pretty sure he'd done well in that department, at least. It was worth a few extra days of pain. And at least he wasn't bleeding through the dressing yet. Even if he had been, he would have been too calmly euphoric to care.

Jane returned from the bathroom, wearing nothing but the shirt she'd stripped off him earlier, and that was held closed by only two buttons. God, she looked good in that. Was he even awake, or had he fallen into some kind of fever dream where his most fervent fantasies were coming true?

She crawled back onto the bed and slid under the comforter with him, smiling. "What's that look for?"

"I'm trying to decide if you look better all made up, ready to go undercover…or just wearing one of my shirts."

She rolled her eyes. "I appreciate the compliment, but I know I'm not at my most attractive right now."

"I'm serious." He took her hand, entwining their fingers, and closed his eyes, just enjoying how right it felt to be close to her.

"Yeah, I bet the bruises are a huge turn-on," she said, her sarcasm mild and amused.

Reminded of her injuries, he shifted to face her properly, reaching out to touch the vivid contusions on her forehead and cheek. "They check you for a concussion?" Realising how belated this conversation was, he winced. "Probably should have asked you that _before_ I dragged you to bed."

Jane shook her head. "You don't have to worry. I checked out fine. Had a headache most of yesterday and into today, but I'm good now, as long as I don't press too hard on anything purple."

Kurt ran his hands over her upper arm, and the finger-shaped bruises there—probably from Roman's grip as they'd fought. "Your tattoos hide a lot of these. How many bruises do you have? Anything more serious?"

Jane sighed tolerantly. "Kurt, if you don't want me to freak out over your leg, let it go."

"My leg's fine." Okay, fine was an exaggeration, but it had been worse. A few minutes ago.

Jane shot him an exasperated look, but her lips twitched, and she looked away, smiling. "We're a pretty good match for each other."

Kurt drew her closer, unable to get enough contact now that he could finally touch her, hold her, the way he'd been wanting to for years. "I'd say more like perfect."

They lay together for a while, in a dreamy post-coital haze, until the buzzer signified the pizza had arrived. Jane jumped up before Kurt could move, her comparatively uninjured body responding quicker than his. It was a shame she had to put on pants, but he guessed it was for the best. He didn't want some poor pizza-delivering college freshman to die of erotic shock on his doorstep.

They ate on the couch, Jane picking one of his early 2000s music compilation CDs as background music. He didn't think he'd listened to it in over a decade, but he knew that from now on, every song on it would remind him of Jane.

Watching her, he wondered how it had taken them this long to get together. Then he remembered.

"Wanna know the stupidest thing I've ever done?" he asked.

Jane stopped halfway through lifting her slice of pizza to her mouth and raised her eyebrows. "Oh, we're at that relationship level where the embarrassing childhood stories come out?" she asked. "This is new territory for me. And just as a disclaimer, I don't have any embarrassing childhood memories, so I can't give you one back."

"I did some pretty stupid stuff as a kid, it's true. But this didn't happen back then."

Her curious gaze on him, she waited.

He hesitated, debating for a second whether he really wanted her to know, but decided he did. It had been a defining moment in their relationship, though not for the better. "I was at the park that night. I lied to you, when I said I'd decided not to go."

For a moment, Jane looked a little mystified, unable to contextualise which park and which night. Then it sank in, and her whole body sagged a little.

"Kurt…" She closed her eyes for a moment. "I'm so sorry. So you knew this whole time? That I wasn't there?"

He took her hand. "No, _I'm_ sorry. I wasn't telling you to make you feel bad. I put together why you weren't there when you told us about Oscar, but by then, I was too angry at you over what had happened. About Mayfair…and Taylor. I wasn't ready to tell you the truth, and by the time I was, I had Nas, then you had Oliver, and…"

"Things got in the way," she said softly.

"Yeah. But the point isn't that you weren't there. The point is that I _was_ , but the next day, I told you I wasn't. That was…really stupid."

"I think I can guess why." She leaned her cheek against his shoulder, simultaneously offering comfort and giving him permission avoid her eyes as he confessed his shame.

"I waited for a while, and you didn't come… And then I realised you never actually said you'd be there; I'd just assumed you would, that you'd asked for your detail dropped so we could spend some time alone. And then I felt like an idiot, and I went home and tried to figure out why you'd changed your mind about us, what I might have done that day, whether I was reading too much into just one kiss…"

"You didn't. I hadn't." She didn't move her head from his shoulder, squeezed his hand lightly.

"And then I saw you the next day, and you looked so…defensive. Like you were expecting me to yell at you."

"No." Jane looked up at him then, her expression sorrowful. "I had the pen in my pocket, the one I swapped in for Mayfair's. I'd just been looking at it and I was scared you'd seen." After a moment, she smiled a little. "And then I remembered and I felt guilty about standing you up, too. But it was mostly the pen."

Something in him eased a little. It was good to know the wall she'd immediately thrown up that morning hadn't just been about their relationship.

"So I lied," he said, shrugging. "I told you it was too complicated, that I'd stood _you_ up. To save my fragile male ego."

"For what it's worth? I've regretted not going every day since. I wanted to. I left my safehouse and I stood on the corner, and there were two directions I could have gone. To you, or to him. I stood there for a couple of minutes, just agonising over what to do. But I knew I'd see you the next day, and I needed to know more about who I was, and I didn't know how to contact him, so…" She sighed. "I guess I took you for granted a little."

"You thought I'd understand. You didn't count on the whole fragile masculinity thing." He shook his head at himself. _Stupid, Kurt._

"Anyone would have their ego bruised by being stood up. I can't blame you for that." She smiled and gave him a quick kiss. "Anyway, it's just as well we didn't start anything back then, right? You wouldn't have a baby nearly here if we'd been together." Then she paused, looking confused and a little uncomfortable. "Or maybe you would. You still would have dumped me when you found out I wasn't Taylor, and the baby was conceived while I was at the black site, so… Forget I said that."

He rubbed a hand over his face. "Jane, I've done so much to mess up our relationship, I still can hardly believe that you're here with me now."

She shot him a regretful look. "I was the one who messed it up before we even started, remember? The whole Trojan horse thing doesn't exactly make trust easy."

"True. But what you did after your memory was wiped is mostly logical, given your circumstances. The way _I_ screwed up was just a bad series of personal decisions. I settled for Allie because I thought you didn't want me. She left me because she knew that you did, and that _I_ did."

"That's why you guys broke up? I'm sorry, Kurt."

He raised an eyebrow. "You are? You'd rather we were still together?"

Jane picked up another slice of pizza, rolling her eyes. "Okay, not _that_ sorry. But I'm sorry I was the reason."

Kurt continued his inventory of sins, wanting to get it all out, clear the air. "I arrested you when I should have listened to what you had to say, and that led to me losing you for three whole months. I was half crazy for a while after the CIA took you, and when they started stonewalling me I just… Part of me gave up. That night Allie and I conceived the baby was because I hit on her when I couldn't stand thinking about everything anymore. My dad. Taylor. You. It was a bad decision. And… I could tell it hurt you when you found out about the baby."

"A little," she confessed. "Partly because I thought you were together again."

Kurt shook his head. "No. It was one night. I was drunk. She took pity on me. We both regretted it the next morning. And all I could think about…was you. Where you were. What they might be doing to you. How it was my fault that they'd taken you. But then I hated myself for caring, and then I hated myself for not wanting to care."

Jane squeezed his hand again. "You don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."

He squeezed back. "I think…it's important. I know I've hurt you just as much as you've hurt me, and I know your reasons now, but you don't know mine." He paused. "I'm assuming you actually _want_ to know mine. If you'd rather just forget about it—"

"No, I do. I… It helps. To know what you were thinking at that time. I think it's important, too, so we can avoid doing it again. Get past the painful stuff and look forward."

He nodded. "That's all I want, too."

She leaned over and gave him a soft, compassionate kiss. "Then what happened?"

Kurt cast his mind back. "Then you came back. I found out the truth, that you were the one who helped plan the tattoos and the ZIP, and I fell into bed with Nas because I was angry at you for not trusting me, not telling me about Oscar or the missions he gave you." _And the rest,_ a voice at the back of his mind added, and after a hesitation, he heeded it. "Also because I knew Oscar had been your fiancé, and I was pretty sure you'd been sleeping with him, which was none of my business, but…"

"It hurt." Jane nodded ruefully. "I know. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise, Jane. We weren't together. I was sleeping with someone else, and you had every right to, as well."

"You said you were the only one who made bad personal decisions that affected our relationship, but that… That was a bad one of mine." She looked down at her hands. "You must be wondering if I'm a black widow."

"If you are, I'll go to my death cheerfully," he teased, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Jane turned her head from him, but he could tell she was smiling anyway. "Oh, I was _that_ good?"

"Well, I might need a few repeat performances. Just to be sure I liked it." He kissed her neck playfully.

She laughed. "Can I finish my food first?"

Kurt pretended to consider it. "If you tell me why you tried dating that Oliver guy. You know, since we're doing the whole 'timeline of our relationship mistakes' thing."

Jane nodded, and ate another bite of her pizza as she considered. "I left him a voicemail right after I found out Allie was pregnant. As in, the same day. I guess you don't have to be a psychologist to figure out what was going through my head."

A twinge of guilt contracted his diaphragm. "Jane…"

She shook her head. "No, no, it's okay. It was a lesson learned. I went on a date with him and he wanted to know the basic stuff. Where I was from, whether I had any brothers and sisters, why I had all these tattoos I didn't have at the gala where we'd met…"

Kurt flinched, imagining the awkwardness of the conversation. "Shit."

"Yeah. I was three for three on things I couldn't tell him. Well, I could have told him about Roman, I guess. 'My brother works for the family business, and the family business definitely isn't terrorism.'" Jane picked a stray mushroom from the bottom of the pizza box and ate it. "So I just apologised, excused myself and left. But he kept texting."

She looked so mystified that Kurt couldn't even be jealous. "Of course he did. You were a sexy enigma with a knowledge of ecological disasters."

Jane snorted. "More like a confused former terrorist on the rebound from a relationship I'd never even had to begin with. And it was _one_ ecological disaster. The one that killed my terrorist mother's family."

Kurt couldn't help but kiss the top of her head. "You're thinking about what you know, not what he knew."

"I guess." She gave him a slightly embarrassed look. "Anyway, after your baby shower…"

He groaned. "I have to apologise for that. I wasn't thinking straight. I wanted to let you know I'd forgiven you, after what you said on that case, about nobody missing you if you died. But…I should have realised you'd be uncomfortable being there, with my girlfriend of the moment, and the accidental mother of my child."

Jane shrugged, squirming a little. "I should have just said thanks, but no thanks. But I didn't want you to think I was refusing your friendship as well as the shower invitation, so…"

"I really am sorry. That's probably the second-stupidest thing I did during the time I've known you. No, the third, after arresting you." He rolled his eyes. "And if I keep on like this, you're just gonna move to California, right?"

She shook her head. "I'm not keeping score of stupid things you did. I'm the last person who can claim to make good decisions."

"Well, you fell in love with me, so that goes without saying." He still could hardly believe it. Jane loved him. He was the luckiest man on Earth.

"Yeah, I did. But I think that was one of the good decisions." She leaned in and kissed him, and he lost himself for a few moments, soaking in her presence. As he began to wonder if she was done with her pizza yet, Jane drew back, her eyes soft…and picked up more pizza.

He should probably eat some more himself. "So after the baby shower…" he prompted, wanting to get this whole conversation done with in one go.

"Yeah, um…" Jane focused again. "We went on a couple of dates, then he was going to come over to my place and cook us a meal, but you and Tasha spooked me into background checking him, and I found out he'd changed his name. And because I apparently have no sense of personal boundaries… I asked him about it."

"This was the night you came over here for drinks with the team?"

Jane shot him a surprised look. "Wow. Good memory."

He gave her a sheepish look. "I may have been…a little invested in whether or not your dates went well."

To his surprised, Jane just laughed under her breath, shaking her head.

"What?" He wasn't sure where her mind was.

"We're both so bad at relationships, it's a wonder we're sitting here like this at all. There's so much we didn't say, so much we didn't do." She leaned against him. "I'm glad we're saying it now, though."

"Yeah. Me, too." He adjusted the lapel of her shirt—his shirt—just for an excuse to touch her. Things would be different now. They had to be.

"So after he stormed out, he—for some reason—forgave me and offered to cook me dinner at his place. I went. We made out a little, got tranquilised, got kidnapped and held hostage by people after his father's fortune…"

"And then, for some reason, _he_ was the one who dumped _you_? His loss is definitely my gain." Kurt tightened his arm around her, protective instinct added to a little territorial urge to claim her as his.

"He did watch me violently kick the asses of a lot of people, though," Jane protested. "Some of them died."

Kurt opened his mouth, then closed it again, censoring himself.

"No, I want to hear what that thought was," she said, shoving his shoulder.

A little embarrassed, he admitted, "I was going to say watching you kick ass is hot. But the killing part kind of makes me seem psychotic."

She snickered. "We'll file that one under 'things only my work colleagues would understand'."

"Another reason we're perfect together." He finished his last bite of pizza while she laughed. "So, unless I missed anything, that concludes the rundown of our past relationship mistakes."

"Yeah, with other people. But there's just one thing I want to ask you about."

He must have tensed up a little, because Jane leaned in to kiss him, a gentle, loving brush of her lips against his. "I thought… The other day, on the plane, when we were talking about my leaving. I actually thought you wanted me to go, and now that we're together that seems so stupid, but I just…"

Shaking his head, Kurt rested his thumb over her lips to quiet her. "I didn't want you to go. But I didn't want you to stay just because you thought you owed me something." He sighed. "I really did just want you to be happy, Jane. And I would have supported your move to California if that was what you needed."

Catching him off-guard, Jane lightly slugged him in the shoulder. "Kurt! Don't ever do that to me again. Emotional martyrdom doesn't get us anywhere."

"What would you have done in my position? If you'd decided to stay with the FBI, and you were just about to tell me you wanted to be with me, and I'd said, 'Jane, I'm moving to Colorado to be closer to Allie and the baby'?"

Her expression clouded as she imagined it. "I guess I would have let you go, too."

"Let's not." The words were impulsive, but once they were out in the air, he felt no need to take them back.

She blinked at him, confused. "Let's not…what?"

"Let each other go."

Jane's eyes softened. "Kurt…"

"I'm done staring at you from across the room, thinking of all the things I can't say. I'm done pretending you don't mean as much to me as you do." He shifted on the couch to face her more fully. "I've been in love with you so long, I don't even know what it's like anymore to walk into SIOC and not look for you. I've never felt this way about anyone else, and I don't want to lose you through stupid misunderstandings, or because we don't talk about what's going through our heads. If you want to know what I'm thinking or how I feel, just ask."

Jane reached up to brush her fingers across his stubbled jaw. "I feel the same way."

Now that he'd blurted it all out, he was conscious of how intense he'd gotten. "You sure? Because if you don't feel as strongly as I do, I understand—"

Jane threw her pizza box down onto the floor, tossed his after it, then pulled him into him a kiss that spoke a thousand words. Five hundred of which were different variations of 'are you kidding me?'

"Does that answer your question?" she asked, when she finally broke away. Her smile was tinged with a little sadness. "Kurt, what part of 'I love you' are you having trouble with?"

"I've been in love before, but to me, this is…" He trailed off, not wanting to overburden her so soon into their relationship.

Jane trailed her fingers through the hair on his chest, not looking away from his face, and arched an eyebrow when he didn't continue. "You just told me to ask if I wanted to know what you're thinking and feeling, so…"

She was so calm, no trace of the nerves he felt as he confessed, "I'm in this for the long haul—if you are. I know it's a little early to be talking about commitment, but that's…what I'm hoping for."

"Yes," she whispered, her eyes alight with everything he couldn't put into words. "I was too scared to even hope it, but that's what I want, too."

Kurt kissed her again, too relieved to speak. "I love you so damn much."

"Wanna go back to bed?" she asked, a mischievous smile teasing the corners of her mouth.

He pulled her to her feet and tugged her close. "I'd carry you back there, but I think my leg might have an issue with that."

Jane led the way, walking backwards with her hands in his. "It's okay. I can think of at least four things we can do without you having to move at all."

He could only think of three, but as he lay down and she leaned over him, he decided he was fine with being surprised by the fourth. Then he forgot how to think at all.


	3. First Tastes

**Author's Note:** I didn't forget about this one! I haven't forgotten about any of my WIPs, really. None of my Blindspot fics are dead. :) So this is smutty, with some fluffy conversation afterwards. And the next chapter is their first 'morning after', which is going to be so fluffy, it gets stuck in your teeth. :p

* * *

"Come here."

Jane stopped at the foot of the bed, ostensibly to take off the shirt she'd appropriated from the floordrobe they'd created earlier, but really to make sure he'd settled himself comfortably on the bed. For Kurt to bring up the limitations his leg wound gave him, it really must be giving him trouble.

"Give me a second," she teased. "I don't want you to rip the buttons off your shirt."

As he watched, his eyes darkening with desire, she unbuttoned the garment and shrugged it off, then ditched the pants she'd put on to get the pizza from the delivery guy. Then she crawled across the bed to kiss him, laughing softly as he pulled her over him the moment she got within his reach.

"Careful. I don't want to hurt you." She shifted her weight off his thighs before kissing him again, her senses blurring into heady appreciation of the way he smelled, tasted, felt…

"You're worrying too much," he told her between kisses, his fingers stroking lazily up and down her side.

Jane sat up to avoid the distraction of his lips, knowing that if she didn't address this, he'd keep pushing himself. "Kurt, I was _there_. I was watching while you were bleeding out on the road. You told me you loved me, and then you passed out. I thought I was gonna lose you before I ever got the chance to…"

He took her hand and kissed it. "I know. I'm sorry."

She shook her head, smiling a little. "Don't be sorry. Just lie there and relax. And be careful when you take your pants off."

Kurt looked amused. The mattress shifted as he moved, and when she looked behind her, below his waist, she realised he'd gotten rid of his pants without even sitting up. "Any more instructions, Nurse Doe?"

She leaned down to him again, unable to resist another kiss. "Just tell me if it hurts."

Understanding dawned in his eyes as she broke free of his lips to begin to trail kisses down his body, her fingers tangling in his chest hair before she moved lower, down over his subtly toned abs. When she reached his cock, she made sure her weight was braced against the bed instead of his thighs as she pressed a kiss to the tip.

Kurt groaned, his head dropping back onto the pillow as she took his shaft in her fist and gave a firm stroke upward. The simple, honest reaction to her touch sent a jolt of arousal through her, and she channelled it towards his pleasure, swirling her tongue around the head of his cock before sucking gently.

His hips shifted in an involuntary bid to thrust deeper, and she dipped lower over him, taking as much as she could into her mouth. Kurt's light touch on the top of her head made her look up at him, to find him watching her with fascinated desire.

A little self-conscious, but loving how good she was obviously making him feel, Jane released him from her mouth slowly, inch by inch, before taking him in again, a little faster. As she set a steady rhythm, he fell into moving with it, taking her mouth as deeply as she would allow. His breathing grew unsteady, his body becoming more tense with every thrust, and as she fluttered her tongue against the underside of his cock, her name left his lips in a breathless plea.

She opened her eyes to see his head thrown back, his eyes closed and lips parted as he tightened his grip on her hair. Needing release. Needing _her._ She loved that.

As she sped up the motions of her mouth and hand, he groaned again, a tremor running through him. "I'm close," he warned, his eyes on her again to make sure she understood what he meant.

She couldn't reply without breaking off, but sucked him a little harder in silent permission for him to let go.

A few moments later, Kurt gave a low, masculine cry as he spilled into her mouth, his body rippling with pleasure as his climax rocked him. Jane stayed where she was as she swallowed, then gave his cock one last, lingering suck before she released him from her mouth and sat up to gauge the results of her efforts.

Kurt opened his eyes and stretched out his hand to her, and she slid up into his embrace with a shy smile. His heart pounded against her ear as she rested her head on his chest, and she couldn't help but be impressed at herself for how much she'd managed to stir him up.

"God, Jane," he murmured against her hair, his voice lazy with satisfaction. "I just want to stay here in bed with you for a year."

"Admit it—you'll start to miss not getting caught in explosions after a few days." She snuggled closer to him with a smile.

"There's more than one kind of explosion, and I think we're pretty good at making our own…" He trailed his fingers down her back suggestively.

"Mmm… You have a point." Jane shifted a little further up his body to meet his lingering kiss. "I didn't hurt your leg, did I?"

"You made me feel a lot of things, but pain wasn't one of them." He brushed her hair back from her face. "So what else is on this list of four things we can do without me having to move?"

* * *

Was that a blush he could see creeping over Jane's face?

"One of them will have to wait until you've recovered a little," she began hesitantly.

Imagining her on top of him, riding his cock, was erotic enough for him to wish he was ready to go again right that second. "And the others?"

She bit her lip, and he grinned. "Are you really too shy to ask me to go down on you?"

"No, but your leg—"

He kissed her, already anticipating. "Come up here."

Jane sat up, but hesitated. Kurt slid down the bed and took her hand. "Let me taste you. Please."

"If you can't breathe…" she started.

"Trust me, I'll be fine."

She carefully knelt over his face, and he tugged her down to meet his expectant mouth. She was already so wet—had giving him head turned her on this much?—and he took a long, deep taste of her, savouring the way she sighed and shifted closer.

He nuzzled and licked everywhere he could reach, teasing her clit, then backing off, making her whisper his name in breathless frustration and tilt her hips, trying to direct him. As she grew more aroused, she forgot some of her earlier caution and pressed down against his mouth, giving him the perfect angle to work his tongue over her. His cock stirred again at her soft, breathless moans, and he followed her unspoken cues until she was gasping.

God, he wished he could flip her over and stroke into her with his fingers, drive her over the edge with his tongue and keep her orgasm going until she was too exhausted to come anymore. Having her in this position was sexy as hell, but it put her in control. After the mind-blowing orgasm she'd just given him, he wished he could do more, to pin her down and pleasure her until she was begging for him to let her rest.

Not that she seemed bored at that moment.

"There!" she gasped, her body jolting as he found just the right spot. She reached out to the headboard for balance as Kurt repeated the motion, trying to figure out exactly what she'd responded to. When she quivered under his hands and caught her breath, he took the new knowledge and applied it mercilessly, his pulse pounding through his cock while he watched her tattoos shift as she writhed.

"Don't stop, don't stop…" She was almost there; the way she ground against his tongue was urgent, insistent.

Kurt wouldn't have stopped even if the entire team had walked back into the apartment. He needed her to come as much as he would have needed his own climax. She deserved every drop of pleasure he could give her, and more.

Jane's relieved cry of ecstasy made him groan against her skin. She swayed forward, leaning her weight against the headboard, and shook through her orgasm, her eyes closed and her face suffused with fulfilment.

Before he could try to follow up with a second, she slid back down into his arms, her breathing shaky against his lips as they kissed. Kurt pulled her on top of him, and as his hard-on brushed against her inner thigh she smiled, reaching down between them to guide him home.

"Mmm…" Kurt wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, trapping her in his embrace before she could sit up. "Stay like this for a moment."

Jane laughed, her face only a fraction of an inch from his. "You tired?"

"No. I just like feeling you this close to me." He nuzzled her cheek, savouring the heat between them. "I love the way we fit together."

She kissed him again, tilting her hips to press him even deeper into her. "I still can't believe we're doing this."

"Want me to pinch you so you know you're not dreaming?" he teased, and pinched her ass.

Jane sat up, grabbed his wrists and pinned them to the bed, grinning. "That's it, Weller, you're going down."

"I thought I already did. If you want me to do it again..."

She considered for a moment, then shook her head. "I like you where you are."

"That makes two of us." He shifted his hips just a little, bucking up into her.

Jane slowly lifted herself up, almost all the way off him, before sinking back down on him just as carefully. Kurt sighed with pleasure as she repeated the motion, her body caressing his cock with every fluid rise and fall. "You feel so damn perfect."

Jane leaned down to kiss him, the glide of her lips over his turning him on even further. "Let me touch you," he murmured against her mouth.

She held him in thrall for another couple of seconds, then released his wrists. Kurt stroked up her sides to cup her breasts in his hands, rolling the pads of his thumbs against the tips. She bit her lip, and he only just resisted the urge to sit up and kiss her again.

He met her movements with thrusts of his hips, driving deep into her every time she lowered herself. She increased her pace a little, shifting her angle until her breath hitched. "Tell me if I hurt you?"

His leg was only a little sore, but even if he'd been in agony, he wouldn't have stopped her. Nodding, he gripped her hips, supporting her as she moved.

Jane took him faster, more forcefully, and Kurt caught her rhythm, his own urgency igniting. Her body rippled and tensed with her impending release, and for the hundredth time he mentally cursed the injury that stopped him from really driving her wild.

His thoughts short-circuited when she took his hand and guided it to just above where they were joined, a heated plea in her expression. As she rode him, he dipped his fingers down to the slickness where he ended and she began, then back up to her clit, pressing down in the spot where she'd reacted most strongly to his tongue earlier.

Jane gave a needy whimper, tense and on the verge of her climax, and he willed her over the edge, his own orgasm perilously close.

She gasped his name as she reached her peak, falling forward onto her hands as she rode it out. Kurt pulled her down into a breathless kiss, the rhythmic pulses of her climax sending him past the edge of thought and into mindless motion. He pounded up into her, ignoring the protest of his wounded leg, and finally lost it, spilling deep inside her.

"I love you so much, Kurt." Her fingers tangled in his hair as she brushed a kiss against the side of his neck.

"No regrets about California?" he teased softly, trying to catch his breath.

"Maybe we could go for a long weekend or something." She rolled her weight off him, far too soon for his liking, but immediately stretched out along the length of his side.

He brushed her messy hair out of her eyes and nodded. "On the way to Australia."

"Australia?" She blinked at him. "What's in Australia?"

"It's somewhere to explore." He shrugged. "Somewhere new to visit. We could go scuba diving."

"We should. Eventually, anyway. If we go somewhere like that, we should go for a month, go backpacking and exploring."

"After the baby's born, then." Kurt stifled a yawn, not wanting to end this perfect night yet. "We should go somewhere else between now and then, for a week or two. Where have you always wanted to go? I mean, since you've been you?"

Jane thought about it. "Italy. Rome and Venice… We could visit all the ancient places where history was made."

"Deal." He was already turning over possibilities in his mind, wondering how much post-case paperwork they'd have to get through before they were free to travel.

"On one condition," Jane added, nudging him. "Your leg has to be a hundred percent healed first. No booking a trip until the dressings come off."

"I thought I was gonna be the sensible one in this relationship?" He grinned at her, sitting up to pull the blankets over them.

"We can take turns." Now Jane was yawning. She smothered it with her hand, then sighed. "Sorry. The fourth thing on my list of things we can do without you having to move? It's...sleeping. I want to stay awake, but I didn't get a great night's sleep last night. All the adrenaline from the near-death experience and then worrying about your injury, and about us..."

Kurt kissed her forehead. "You deserve some rest. We both do. Get some sleep, okay? I'll be here when you wake up."

Jane gave him a sweet, lingering kiss that made his heart swell, then turned onto her stomach and pulled a pillow closer, making sure her arm still rested against his side. "Goodnight."

Kurt thought about turning over, but decided against it as his leg protested again. He reached over to turn out the light. "Goodnight, Jane."

After Jane's breathing grew deep and even in the rhythm of sleep, Kurt lay awake for a while, not wanting to release his hold on consciousness in case tomorrow held some new threat for them, something that would ruin this new bliss they'd found.

 _Even if it does…we'll face it together and come through it stronger. We always do._

With that thought, he finally allowed himself to sleep.


	4. Improvising

**Author's Note:** Fluff, anyone? And okay, maybe a tiiiiiny bit of angst. And a little bit more smutty stuff. Because it's their first morning waking up together, and they (g)love each other. :D

* * *

Waking up the next morning was a strange, wonderful experience.

From very early in her new life—with the exception of her stay with the CIA—Jane had had the same morning routine. First she'd wake up. Then she'd spend a few minutes worrying about her situation—who she was, then what Oscar and her old self had wanted to accomplish, then what Sandstorm had planned for Phase Two—before rolling out of bed to start a morning routine of stretches, push-ups and sit-ups, burning away her nervous energy.

That day, Jane woke up in a bed that seemed warmer and softer than she was accustomed to, breathing in a familiar, comforting, masculine scent. The warmth radiating into her from one side could only be the heat of another person, and when her mind reached for worries about her current situation, it found only a wisp of a 'what if' that faded into the distance, just as the figure of her brother had in DC.

As she carefully turned over to smile at the sleeping form of Kurt Weller, she felt absolutely no compulsion to get up and start her usual workout.

He was sprawled out on his back, the bedcovers halfway down his bare chest, his face turned towards her. Jane just lay there and gazed at him, wondering if she was about to wake up in her safehouse, the threat still real and present, her feelings for Kurt still locked inside. This seemed too good to be true.

The morning light filtering through the curtains wasn't that bright—the day must be overcast— but it was enough for Jane to make out the traces of scars and bruises on his skin. Battle wounds from previous fights, and this most recent one. How many of his scars would be the result of violent showdowns orchestrated by her family?

It was hard to believe that less than forty-eight hours earlier, she and Kurt had been in Washington, DC, grimly setting out to drive Shepherd's nuclear material-laden ambulance as far away from populated areas as possible. Knowing that if they failed to find Shepherd's beacon, it would be a one-way trip, and their efforts would have been for nothing.

If not for Patterson and Kurt, they'd be dead, and the whole of the Eastern Seaboard with them. Millions of men, women and children would have been annihilated, the local wildlife along with them. Jane had been mainly repressing that knowledge, the enormity of the situation too overwhelming to handle. Every now and then, she'd remember—and shudder.

Maybe she should do a workout after all.

But then Kurt stirred, a deep breath signifying his return to wakefulness, and her attention snapped from his injuries back to the man himself. As he smiled, his eyes still closed, her heart melted a little.

"Morning," she said softly, and nuzzled his shoulder.

He opened his eyes, the wonder and love in his expression echoing how she felt, and pulled her into his embrace. "Morning. I don't have to wake up from this dream, do I?"

She smiled. "Nope."

He gathered her even closer. "Good. Kiss me."

Jane tilted her head up and gave him a lingering, sweet, good-morning kiss. When they parted, smiling sleepily, Jane rested her head on his chest and pulled the blanket up to her neck, getting cosy. "How did you sleep?"

"Like the dead."

Jane winced. "Considering what we just went through..."

"…probably not the best turn of phrase," Kurt finished wryly. "But yeah, I slept better than I have for a long time. You?"

"Same. I woke up trying to figure out what I needed to do to head off Shepherd's next move, though. Then I realised. Having actual relaxation time…it's gonna take some getting used to. I don't think I've ever not needed to be in crisis mode, since I've been Jane. Even on days off, I've been braced for something to happen, you know?"

"If you need me to teach you how to relax…" Kurt skimmed his hand down her back suggestively.

Jane gave a soft laugh as he turned on his side, but caught the flash of pain across his face before he could hide it. "Kurt… Stop. Turn over. Take a painkiller." She punctuated her words with a quick peck on the lips.

He sighed. "We have _the_ worst timing."

"Hey, at least this time it's pain interrupting and not Patterson," she teased, admiring the ripple of his upper back muscles as he turned to grab his medication.

Kurt snorted. "Don't even say it. I'm half convinced she's gonna stick her head 'round the door any moment and go, 'uh, sorry, guys, but there's something you should see'."

Jane grinned, but then rolled her eyes as Kurt gave every indication that he was about to dry-swallow his pills. "Wait a sec. I'm gonna grab you some water."

"I'm good," he said.

Jane slid out of bed and headed out to the kitchen. After drinking a glass of water herself, she returned to the bedroom with one for Kurt. He watched avidly as she approached the bed, as though her nakedness had spellbound him.

"You're staring," she told him, trying not to laugh as she handed over the glass.

"I make absolutely no apologies for that." Kurt grinned at her before taking his pills.

Jane got back into bed and stretched out beside him, keeping her demeanour nonchalant. "Bet you'd stare more if I was doing my usual push-ups."

Kurt almost choked on a mouthful of water. Then he set aside his glass and reclined beside her, entwining his fingers with hers. "I'm trying so hard to be a good patient right now, but you're really not making it easy."

"It hurts that bad?" Jane winced, remorseful. They'd needed each other last night, but they should have been more careful. What were another few days, after all the long months they'd spent waiting already?

"Are you talking about the leg, or…?"

Unable to resist, Jane slipped her hand beneath the covers and ran her fingers teasingly up the solid warmth of his cock.

Kurt grabbed her wrist. "As much as I want to start something now, until the painkillers kick in, I really don't know if I can finish it."

"Even if you don't have to move?" She kissed his shoulder as she waited for his response.

"Even if you end up on top again, I'll hurt myself worse, and I won't give a damn until afterwards." He scrubbed a frustrated hand over his face. "I'm sorry," he added in a lower tone, sounding so dispirited that she frowned and raised her head to look at him more closely.

"Kurt, what are you apologising for?" she asked, making sure her voice was gentle. "Last night was…so better than I ever dreamed. And trust me, I dreamed of it."

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah?"

Jane thought back to dozens of lonely nights since they'd first met, her imagination taking her places she'd given up hope of ever reaching in reality. "Most of the time I guess 'daydream' would be more accurate.'

"I'll admit to 'fantasy'. Actually, make that plural."

Jane laughed, tilting her head back to look into his face. "How many did you have?"

He at least had the decency to look sheepish. "More than a few. In my defence, I had to look at pictures of your naked body every day at work, the entire time I've known you."

"Most of those tattoo images were really close up," Jane pointed out, amused. "There was nothing to see."

"Yeah, but then Patterson would start talking about the tattoo being on your thigh or your abs or something, and I had to try not to think about where, and what it would be like to kiss you there, and sometimes my imagination…was not very respectful of you. I'm sorry."

"If it makes you feel any better, my imagination wasn't very respectful of you, either."

Intrigue spread across his face. "Really?"

Jane nodded, but didn't volunteer any more information, knowing it would drive him crazy.

"You're not gonna elaborate on that?" He pulled her a little farther up his body so he could kiss her more easily, his lips teasing against hers.

"You haven't told me any of your disrespectful thoughts about my tattoos, either," Jane pointed out, trying not to laugh.

"What did you want to know?" The corners of his eyes crinkled adorably when he smiled, and she had to resist the urge to brush her fingers over the skin.

"I don't know. Uhhh…which one did you spend most time thinking about?"

He didn't even need time to think. "Turn over."

With the help of his guiding hands, Jane turned onto her side, with her back to Kurt. Gently, so gently, he traced the letters of his name on her back, and her eyes fell closed at the emotion that welled up within her.

"This one," Kurt said huskily, shifting so that she could feel his breath, warm against the skin of her upper back. "This tattoo kept me awake so many nights."

He left a trail of soft kisses across the tattoo, his tongue flicking out for a brief instant each time his lips made contact. Jane swallowed hard, trying to collect her thoughts.

"Why that one?" she asked.

He took a deep breath before answering, as though he needed to be sure of expressing it correctly. "I first saw this tattoo before I really even saw you. They sent a helicopter to bring me and my team back from Kentucky, the night they found you. They wouldn't tell me why it had to be our team, or why it was so urgent. I didn't know what the link was between the case and me until Mayfair had me standing in front of your hospital room, looking through the door."

He sighed, his thumb running back and forth over the tattoo in a soft caress. "You probably don't remember it. You looked…really out of it. That was all I really had time to register about you before they made you turn around to face the door, and opened the back of your gown enough that I could see…this."

Jane wanted to turn to look at him, but he kissed the tattoo again, and it felt too good for her to move right then. She sensed he had a lot more to say about this. "I don't remember that. The first night was pretty hazy."

"For that first few hours after I realised, all I could do was obsess about why I'd been the agent chosen. Why they'd put my name on your body. But then I met you. Talked to you. And within twenty-four hours you'd started hugging me, and I was just…" He laughed softly. "I think Mayfair used the term 'emotionally compromised'."

"Because you thought I was Taylor, right?" Jane tried to follow his reasoning.

"Honestly? That helped, but even before I noticed your neck scar, I felt…invested. But my point is…" He hesitated. "The more I got to know you, the closer we got…the more my name on your back made me feel…"

He rested his forehead against her tattoo and groaned. "There's no way to say this without sounding like an asshole."

"Responsible for me?" Jane guessed, turning over to face him again.

"Possessive," he admitted, meeting her eyes to let her see his shame. "Like you were…mine. And I knew it wasn't true, not really. But late at night, when I thought about you, that tattoo was usually a feature."

Jane cupped his stubbled jaw in her hand, smiling a little. "You're not a Neanderthal for having a fantasy, Kurt. It's not like you threw me over your shoulder and dragged me back to your cave the moment I looked at another guy. You even watched me date one without stepping in."

"I wanted to," he confessed. "I hated seeing you with someone else."

"Ditto. You have no idea how many times I imagined punching Nas in the face." As his eyebrows rose, she laughed. "And I didn't even have my name on your back to make me feel like you were mine. So relax."

"I am yours, Jane." His amusement faded to seriousness. "I have been for a long time. I'm done fighting it."

"And I'm yours." She kissed him lightly, a little overwhelmed by the sentiment he was showing. "So do you want me to get you a Sharpie, so you can write 'property of' above your name?"

Kurt rested his forehead against hers. "Nope. I want you to stay right here. And tell me where you were before you came over last night. What you were doing."

Jane opened her mouth, a pit of dread forming in her stomach, but then shook her head. "I don't wanna talk about…family stuff…while we're in bed like this. I don't want to ruin a perfect morning."

For a moment Kurt's eyes remained troubled, and she thought he'd push for details. But then he gave a small nod. "I get that. So what do you want to talk about?"

"I actually was thinking you could teach me something new." The idea had come into her mind as she'd pondered his current limitations, but she wasn't sure if he'd be on board with this—at least, not today.

Kurt's breath caught as she slid her hand slowly down his abs. "What did you have in mind?" he asked, his voice a little rougher than before. "Because I don't—"

She gave him a quick kiss to silence him, wrapping her fingers around his hardening cock. "Put your hand over mine and show me what you did, when you thought about us together."

He swallowed hard, tentatively laying his hand on top of hers. "What about you?"

Jane smiled. "You can make it up to me later, when we figure out how not to hurt you. I just want to make you feel good."

He gave her a quick, hard kiss, desire clear in his face. "You sure?"

She nodded and stroked upwards, his hand moving along with hers. "Like this?"

His eyes glazing a little with pleasure, he coaxed her to tighten her grip just a little. Jane pressed her thighs together, aroused by his reaction, as he showed her how to stroke him, the emphasis on the up-stroke each time.

"Did you imagine I was doing _this_ to you? Or was it something else?" she asked softly.

He exhaled a shaky breath. "Depended on the day. On where we'd been, what we'd been doing."

"For example?" She made sure her palm was slick with his pre-cum, smiling when a tiny frustrated noise left his throat.

"Remember the first undercover case we worked?"

Jane nuzzled his neck. "How could I forget how good you looked in that tux?"

He groaned, encouraging her to speed up her movements a little. "Ditto for you in that dress. Afterwards, I imagined us dancing again…without the clothes. Just swaying together and kissing until we couldn't take it anymore, and I lifted you up, and…"

He bit back a curse as Jane moaned, caught up in his fantasy. Their lips met in an urgent kiss as she shifted her hips in frustration, wishing he could fill her.

"I loved pretending to be your wife that day," she confessed. "All those excuses to touch you, and hold your hand, and dance with you… We were just pretending, but—"

"But not really," he finished, his voice breathless from the way they were both touching him. "I just wanted to push you up against the wall and pull up that dress, and…"

"Mmm…I wanted you to, too."

"Jane… Come sit on me again."

His cock was impossibly hot and hard beneath her hand. It would feel so good to feel him within her right now—but he'd already told her he'd hurt himself in the process.

"I'm not gonna make your leg worse." She softened her refusal with another kiss. "I want you to come like this."

He groaned her name as the pace of their tandem stroking increased; fast, firm tugs that made his muscles coil tighter moment by moment. "God, I love you."

She smiled. "Show me."

A few quick movements more, and pulses of warm fluid spilled over Jane's hand and Kurt's abdomen. He gave a relieved growl as the tension ebbed out of him, his body trembling a little against hers. Jane watched him begin to come down from his high, releasing her grip on his cock to drape her arm around him.

"That was hot," she murmured, smiling up at him.

"No kidding." He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "Let me taste you again. I don't like leaving this one-sided."

Jane hesitated. "Your leg—"

"—is down there. My mouth is up here." His smile made her insides go molten with lust. "I'm still learning what you like. A little extra practice while I'm injured won't hurt."

Remembering how amazing his talented mouth had felt the night before, Jane felt her resolve crumble. A couple of minutes later, she was halfway to heaven, her last coherent thought being that Kurt didn't need any practice—his technique was already perfect.

* * *

They slept for a little while longer after their improvised injury workarounds, and Kurt was the first to wake, the pain in his leg thankfully diminished by the medication.

He tucked the blanket more securely around Jane, gazing down at her sleeping face, which was peaceful and relaxed, despite the bruises that still adorned her skin. After taking a second to kiss her forehead, he pulled on some underwear, then stopped by the bathroom before heading into the kitchen.

Once he'd set up some coffee to brew, he frowned into the refrigerator. Normally, he kept it well-stocked, but the case had gotten so intense lately that he'd been relying on takeout more often than cooking, and the trip to the COGS bunker, followed by Washington, DC, meant that the few ingredients he still had left were a little past their best.

 _Damn it._

"Damn what?" Jane stepped up behind him, pressing a quick kiss between his shoulder blades before leaning against the kitchen counter.

He hadn't realised he'd spoken out loud.

Kurt closed the refrigerator and turned back to the coffee pot—at least they both drank it black, as most people in law enforcement did, so he didn't have to worry about getting in some fresh cream. "Nothing major. I just need to hit the grocery store before we can have breakfast. The case has kinda had me distracted lately."

"We could order something in?" Jane suggested.

Her hair was in disarray—more so than usual—and she'd once again taken his shirt from the floor as temporary clothing. He wished he could take a picture so he'd never forget how sexily dishevelled she looked.

Handing her a mug of steaming coffee, Kurt shook his head. "It's our first morning-after breakfast. I want to cook. And I'll need more than just breakfast supplies, so… Might as well get it over with."

He gave Jane a quick kiss on the temple on his way past her. "You relax here, drink your coffee. I'll be back before you know it."

She caught his wrist before he could move out of range, abandoning her coffee to wrap her arms around his neck. "I have a better plan."

As if his body was magnetised to hers, he drew her closer without even thinking about it. "What plan?"

Jane smiled up into his face. "You write me a list. Then I go get groceries, while you take a shower and take care of your leg, instead of making it worse. By the time you're done changing your dressing I'll probably be back, and then you can cook us some breakfast while I shower. Sound good?"

He hesitated. She had a point—limping around the grocery store wouldn't do his wound any good. "Deal. But only if you let me give you the cash for the food."

Jane took her own moment of hesitation, as if sensing this was a battle she wouldn't win. "Okay. Deal. You write the list, and I'll get dressed."

A few minutes later, she came out of the bedroom fully dressed, combing her fingers through her hair. Seeing her standing by the door, wearing the outfit she'd arrived in yesterday, brought back how she'd hesitated as she'd arrived, nervously asking for a private moment between them.

She caught him staring and blinked up at him. "What?"

"Just remembering when you walked in last night." He approached slowly, looking her over. "I love you in red."

Jane looked down at herself a little self-consciously. "I'll have to remember that."

"But I also love you in black, white, navy, grey…do you even wear any other colours?" he teased.

"Not often." She took the grocery list and a couple of twenties from his hand and scanned his handwriting. "Great. I'll head down the block now."

Kurt took the spare apartment keys from the bowl on the counter and held them out. "So you can get back in."

She held them so that the sparkly, pink sneaker keychain his sister had attached to them dangled down, looking amused. "I'm gonna guess this is your spare set, unless you have a secret fondness for Barbie you haven't told me about."

"They were Sarah's."

"Ahh." Amused, she leaned in and gave him a quick kiss. "Go take care of your leg. See you soon."

Kurt couldn't resist giving her a longer, more heated kiss before he stepped back. "Yes, you will."

After she'd left the apartment, he stood where he was for a moment, adjusting to the stillness and silence. He'd lived alone for years before Sarah and Sawyer had moved into the apartment, and after they'd moved out, too. He'd had girlfriends stay the night before, too—that was nothing new. Yet he felt Jane's absence keenly after only a few moments apart.

 _I loved pretending to be your wife._ Remembering her words earlier, he took a deep breath. Her words had resonated with him far more than he wanted to admit. This was getting a little too intense—on his end, not hers.

Rolling his eyes at his own sentimentality, he picked up the empty pizza boxes they'd left strewn around the night before, then made for the shower.

* * *

 **Author's Note** **:** I hope this doesn't feel like it's dragging out. I do want to get them to the point where they talk about Shepherd and Roman and everything, but there are so very many little, cute first-time-we-get-to-do-this moments at the very beginning of their official relationship that I want to explore, like their first breakfast and first 'I guess I should go home', etc. Anything you guys want to see them do?


	5. Reality

**Author's Note:** So glad people are still enjoying this! I managed to get Jeller to actually talk a little bit about Sandstorm in this chapter, amid fluff and snuggles. :)

* * *

It was surreal to emerge from the private bubble she and Kurt had inhabited for the past fourteen hours, to walk down the street in last night's clothing and to remember there were other people in the world apart from them. Jane had never felt lighter—at least, not during her time as Jane—and had to bite back a smile as she travelled the block and a half to the grocery store.

This was probably the same store Kurt had been returning from the night she'd waited outside his apartment building to kiss him, what felt like a lifetime ago. It was definitely the store she'd bought Pennsylvania beer from a while back, on her way to surprise him with her company after he'd confessed to feeling alone. Funny, how seemingly unconnected places and events had ties to each other through the people who frequented them.

She'd been so uncertain the last time she'd been here, standing in the liquor aisle, staring at Kurt's preferred brand of beer. Would he even want her company? Just because he'd said he felt alone, that didn't mean he wanted her to just appear on his doorstep. And what if he'd called up an old girlfriend or something, for a one-night stand? What if he wasn't home?

But then she'd taken that leap of faith, and he'd seemed genuinely glad of her company. Not only that, but she'd found a picture of Shepherd in one of his old yearbooks.

 _Don't think about Shepherd._

She closed the door firmly on that memory, still determined to enjoy as much of today as she could without thoughts of her family sneaking in.

She stepped into the grocery store and took the list Kurt had given her out of her pocket. His familiar, blocky handwriting, which she'd seen on a thousand notes and pieces of paperwork during her time at the FBI, made her smile again.

It didn't take too long for her to find the items on the list, plus a few extra things—chocolate cupcakes, which she knew Kurt would appreciate, and a toothbrush and some deodorant for herself. If they'd had any underwear on sale at the minimart, she'd have grabbed some, too, but she'd have to make do with yesterday's until she got back to her safehouse later today.

During the walk back to Kurt's building, her anticipation at seeing him again grew, and she mentally rolled her eyes at herself. _You see him almost every day. You saw him a half-hour ago. Calm down._

When she let herself back into the apartment, Kurt was nowhere to be seen. Jane placed the grocery bags down on the kitchen counter and went in search of him.

"Hey."

Kurt looked up from packing away the first aid kit in the bathroom cabinet, his smile welcoming. "You're back." He held out his hand, summoning her closer.

Jane looked him over appreciatively. His hair was still damp from the shower, his stubble trimmed back from its overnight growth, and he was wearing only a pair of navy blue boxer-briefs. _This man is criminally hot._

"I'm not kissing you until I've used this." She held up the toothbrush she'd bought.

Kurt grinned and pulled her into his arms. "You sure?"

This close, she could smell the mint on his breath, which made her doubly determined to brush her teeth. She wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes, soaking in his presence. "Yeah. Point me at the toothpaste. And the shower, after that."

Kurt held on for a moment longer, before drawing back and handing over an almost-full tube of toothpaste. "As much as I want to join you in the shower, I should keep my leg dry for now. I'll go start breakfast."

He kissed her forehead, then left the bathroom, with some reluctance.

Jane brushed her teeth thoroughly, then took a step towards the bathroom door, meaning to close it and start her shower. Kurt appeared in the doorway, holding a folded T-shirt and pair of sweatpants. "In case you wanted to wear something clean after your shower."

Jane took the clothing from him with a smile. "Thanks."

He slid his hand over the tattoo on the side of her neck, his expression soft. "Is that worth a kiss, now your teeth are clean?"

She laughed and wrapped her free arm around his neck, rising on her toes to meet his lips. For one long, sweet moment, they clung together, sharing a kiss that was half affirmation, half a promise of things to come.

Then Kurt stepped back, sighing. "I'm gonna go cook, before I do something my leg will regret."

"See you soon." Jane closed the door as he turned away, suppressing a regretful sigh of her own.

* * *

After changing the bed linen and unpacking the groceries, Kurt began to prepare breakfast—scrambled eggs, bacon, hash browns and French toast. He'd missed cooking during the turmoil of the past few days, and the familiar task settled something inside him that he hadn't realised was out of place.

Ever since Emma Shaw had first taught him how to fend for himself in his drunken father's house, he'd used food preparation as an almost meditative way to regain his equilibrium. In his adult life, he used it as a way to keep busy that had no ties to his job, or the stress that came with it. It was something else to focus on, something that came with the reward of being well fed.

It was also good to have something to do that wasn't obsessing about what Jane looked like in the shower. Except that was exactly what he was doing.

For the millionth time, he cursed his leg injury, frustrated by his limitations. There were so many things he wanted to do with Jane, from taking a shower together to going for a walk in Central Park. The other week, she'd seemed so happy to be out walking through the streets of the city with him, on their way to pose as hackers vying to be the next owners of LeakHub. He wanted to go walking with her in their leisure time.

Right now, he couldn't even go to the grocery store. Not only that, but his injury was looking slightly the worse for wear—he'd have to be stern with himself around Jane, or he'd end up in the ER to have it re-stitched.

Even with this temporary irritation, though, he was happier than he'd been in a long time. _Jane loves me._ He was still resisting the urge to pinch himself to check he wasn't dreaming.

Just as he was transferring the food from the skillet to a couple of plates, he heard Jane approaching. "That smells fantastic."

"Hope you're hungry." Kurt put one of the plates in front of her on the breakfast bar as she pulled out a stool.

"Mmm… Hungrier than I thought." She took the cutlery he offered and dug in, while he pulled the orange juice out of the fridge and poured them both some.

For a few moments, they focused on their food, not trying to make conversation. Then Jane glanced over at him, her eyes amused. "Have you checked your phone yet, since last night?"

Kurt shook his head, swallowing his mouthful before replying, "The battery died sometime last night. I put it on charge."

Jane took her phone out of the pocket of his sweatpants, which only stayed on her hips because she'd tied the drawstring threaded through the waistband. He had to divert his imagination from what would happen if he untied the bow, dragging his attention back to his plate.

After bringing something up on the screen, Jane handed him her phone. "They sent it to both of us."

Kurt examined the screen and couldn't help but laugh. A photograph showed Patterson, Reade and Zapata posing for a selfie, obviously taken the night before, after quite a few drinks. Patterson was holding a condom up front and centre of the picture, grinning just as widely as their other friends.

Beneath the picture, a text message said, _Hope you're having fun, guys! Don't forget to use these!_

"Wow. That was subtle." He handed the phone back, shaking his head. "Wonder what they'd say if we told them we're using alternate methods of contraception?"

"That's a little more information than I'm comfortable sharing," Jane said, nudging him. "God, when they all started making their excuses last night, I didn't know if I was more embarrassed or relieved."

Remembering the way she'd bitten her lip the night before, he smiled. "I guess it's fair they get to give us a hard time. They've had to watch us go through everything we went through to get here. Patterson was the one pushing me to say something to you, actually."

Jane frowned a little. "What did she say?"

"That she'd encouraged you to think about starting a new life somewhere else, and that if I had something to say to you, I shouldn't put it off." He remembered his alarm at those words; the dread that he might lose her. "It was…something to think about." _Scared the hell out of me._

Jane sighed. "Patterson surprised me, actually. She said, how would I know what else I want, if the FBI is the only thing I've tried? Then she said that Reade's thinking about teaching, so he might leave the NYO. And that you're gonna be a dad to a baby that lives in Colorado, and if she were you, she'd move out there."

Kurt wasn't sure if he should thank Patterson for pushing them both out of their comfort zones, or if he should be royally pissed off that she'd made Jane insecure about her future. "She said that? I haven't made any decisions about that."

Jane laid down her fork. "But you've thought about it, right?"

He nodded slowly. "It's crossed my mind. I plan to visit for a while first, see how that goes. If…" He hesitated.

"If what?" Jane asked.

 _It's too soon to ask her_ , one part of him insisted.

 _Better to know now, if we're not gonna work out,_ another part maintained.

He took the plunge, his stomach knotting with nerves. "If I did want to move out there at some point, would you come with me?"

Jane blinked rapidly a few times, the question taking her by surprise. "I, uh… I don't know. I haven't even thought about it."

"It's just hypothetical," he reassured her, taking her hand. "I know that everything you know is here. We'd need to talk about it a lot more before we really made any kind of decision."

Jane slowly lost her deer-in-headlights expression. "Okay. Then…hypothetically, I'd miss New York, but I'd want to be wherever you are."

His relief at her answer was stronger than he'd been anticipating. A flat-out refusal would have set a possible time limit on their relationship. "I want that, too."

* * *

After breakfast, Kurt opened the French doors that led out to the balcony, to air out the residual smell of frying. Jane stepped out to lean against the railing, as Kurt had last night, and he looked up from wiping down the kitchen counter to watch her, wondering if her thoughts were anywhere near as tumultuous as his had been the night before.

He joined her on the balcony, leaning his weight the same way she was, his bare arm brushing hers.

"It seems so strange," Jane said. "Looking at all that moving traffic across the bridge, all the people walking down below us… None of them know that their lives could have been devastated by nuclear fallout the other day. I keep thinking, shouldn't they know that we managed to avert a major nuclear threat? Isn't it the public's right to know that a domestic terror cell—not Middle Eastern or any other world powers, but based right here in the States and headed by an American—shouldn't people know that terrorist threats against the US originate in their own country, just as much as they do in other parts of the world? Maybe even more?"

Kurt sighed. "That's the job. We get all of the risk and none of the glory. I guess the higher-ups would rather keep people calm than give them the truth. Besides, think of the backlash to the African-American community if people knew about Shepherd. We were just lucky the Times journalist who received her video taking responsibility used to be an FBI agent. If she'd released it to the rest of the journalists instead of sending it to us…"

Jane shuddered. "I don't even want to think about it."

She wasn't taking the bait to open up about Shepherd. Kurt would have to take a different approach.

"Last night, just before you got here, I stood right where you are now, even though the rest of the team were all inside. I just…needed a moment alone to think about you. What it meant that you hadn't shown up. That you hadn't even called."

Jane covered his hand with hers. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go off the grid for so long. I should have sent a text back or something, I just… The last thing you said to me was 'don't move to California, I love you', and it seemed like telling you I was planning to come, but not acknowledging what you said… I didn't want to cheapen it, I guess."

"It's okay. After everything… I guess you had a big decision to make. Getting a new identity, being relocated… Those aren't things the FBI offers lightly."

She gave him a slightly amused, partially guilty glance. "The whole 'moving to California' thing really got under your skin, huh?"

Sheepish, he nodded. "I might have obsessed about it a little. Since you came back, after the black site… I'd kind of resigned myself to the fact that we might never be together, and I never thought that your case would go on forever, but the thought of losing you from my life completely… That shook me up. I hadn't considered it would happen again. And last time…even though I was angry at you…it was hard."

"I pulled California out of nowhere when you asked," Jane confessed. "Afreen's sister wants to move out there, and her parents are freaking out. Apparently her family is very close-knit. Afreen needed to de-stress by talking to someone about it who isn't directly involved, so we discussed it a little, a few days before everything went crazy. So California was the first place that came to mind when you started talking about where I might go. I don't actually feel any urge to move there."

Kurt hadn't realised how tense the conversation had made him until relief loosened his muscles. "Good."

Jane smiled and leaned over to give him a brief, affectionate kiss. "I'm right here."

And he was so damn glad about it.

"So if you weren't planning whether or not to move…" he prompted gently.

"Why did I go so quiet for so long?" Jane sighed. "I guess I hadn't really had much time to process, between learning Shepherd was planning to hit DC and actually taking her down. Afterwards, after they told me you were out of danger, I could stop worrying about you for a little while and actually think about what we'd just achieved."

She hesitated, but Kurt didn't interrupt, knowing silence was the best way to encourage her to continue.

"Roman is gone. I let him walk away. I feel like I should apologise for that."

Kurt shrugged. "He's your brother. I understand why you couldn't take the shot."

"I could have shot him in the leg and put him in cuffs. But I didn't. I couldn't. Knowing how much torture it was for him to be imprisoned, how claustrophobic it made him… I just couldn't do it to him again. Even knowing that more people might die because of whatever he does next. _If_ he does anything."

"I didn't stop him, either. If you're gonna blame yourself, you have to blame me, too," Kurt said.

"You tried. Then you fell down and passed out, remember?" Jane gave him a sad smile. "I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd taken him into custody. He's had a terrible life, but he should be punished for what he's done. But I just…couldn't let it be me who took him in. I was too weak."

Kurt put his arm around her, and she leaned gratefully into his embrace.

"I covered for you, in the report. I said you didn't have a clear shot."

"You didn't have to do that," Jane told him.

"Yeah, I did. I wasn't letting you start off your new life with an aiding and abetting charge." He kissed the top of her head.

"I love you, too," she said, smiling up at him.

He blinked at the unexpected endearment.

"I realised that over all this time, you told me you loved me in a lot of different ways. 'Don't die.' 'If something happened to you, I'd miss you.' 'I almost snapped Keaton's neck when I found out what he did to you.'"

Kurt smiled. "I'm gonna work on saying it the conventional way more in the future."

"Oh, you are?" she said, her voice light and teasing.

"Yeah." He stepped behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back against him. "I love you," he murmured in her ear, and grinned as goosebumps rose on her skin at the vibration of his voice.

He pressed a kiss against the side of her neck, unable to help himself. Jane tilted her head to give him better access, sighing with pleasure. "I love you, too. Especially when you do that."

Kurt did it again, then again, lingering and sweeping his tongue across her skin. Jane drew in a shaky breath as she felt his cock begin to rise against the small of her back. "Think we should go back inside?"

He gave her another kiss before responding, savouring the way she grew more pliant in his arms. "Good plan."


	6. A Challenge

**Author's Note:** This is my first update in a while, I know! I can only apologise. My health is never good, but it's been worse than usual lately. I'm hoping I'm back on an upward trajectory again now, but who knows? Anyway, enjoy this gratuitous smut (and I promise there will be a few chapters without smut after this one).

* * *

"How's the pain?" Jane asked, looking down at his thigh as they settled on the couch.

"Not too bad now." He sighed. "I know I need to rest it more, but…"

"I know." Jane rested her head on his bare shoulder. He'd cooked and eaten breakfast without a shirt, and it had been difficult not to just sit and stare at him the whole time. Kurt Weller in nothing but a pair of worn blue jeans. _Heaven._ "Just think how great it's gonna be, when you're all healed up in a few weeks."

"I'm already making plans." Her pulse skipped at the huskiness of his tone.

"We should slow things down a little for now. Only do what we know won't hurt your leg." Jane looked up at him from under her lashes, unable to hide her desire.

Kurt kissed her, deep and provocative. Jane closed her eyes and surrendered to it, a soft moan escaping her throat as his tongue stroked over hers. When they finally withdrew, their breath trembling, Jane tried to gather her thoughts. "Just kissing you is more than I ever thought I'd get to do again, so even if that's all we do until you're up to it…"

Kurt traced his fingertips over her cheek. "I know. And I still can't get over how good kissing you feels."

Their lips met again, longing and need becoming a charged current between them as their hands began to wander. Jane sighed against his mouth as Kurt toyed with the button of the shirt she'd stolen from him, and leaned back. "You know where this is leading. We can't keep doing this, Kurt."

He raised an eyebrow, mischief in his eyes. "How about if we agree not to go past second base?"

She couldn't help but laugh. "That sounds…unrealistic."

"You say 'unrealistic'; I say 'a challenge'." He paused, then added, "Okay, it might be around twenty years since I last tried it, but…"

After a moment of hesitation, temptation and common sense waging an inner battle, Jane pulled her cell phone out of her pocket again. "I'm setting an alarm. If we can keep our hands above the waist for thirty minutes, then we win."

She felt his curious gaze on her as she leaned forward to set the phone down on the floor, then pushed it out of easy reach.

"And if we win, what's the prize?" he asked, pulling her back into his embrace.

"Cold showers and chaste thoughts?" she teased, already knowing there was only one way this would end.

"You're not exactly selling me on this idea." He toyed with a lock of her hair, his clear green eyes amused.

"Okay…how about..." She pretended to think about it. "If we manage thirty minutes, I'll know you have enough self-control to keep absolutely still while I ride you very carefully. But then we cool it off, okay? For at least a couple of days."

"Deal." Kurt reached for her hand and ran his fingers over the honeycomb tattoo adorning the back of it. "And—since we have about twenty-nine minutes to kill—I think I want to spend some time examining these tattoos."

Jane shivered as he traced his fingers over the hexagonal pattern with a gentle reverence, then pressed his lips to the same patch of inked skin. This had the potential to test her patience far more than Kurt's.

"I've been wanting to kiss all of these for so long," he confessed, trailing his lips up over the arch on her forearm, then around to the barcode on her inner wrist. He lingered at the sensitive pulse point until she squirmed with frustration, then lowered her arm from his mouth, grinning at her. "What?"

Jane kissed him hard, channelling all of her sexual tension into it as she curled her fingers into his chest hair. He gave a soft groan and mirrored her desperation right back at her, unbuttoning her shirt and stripping it away, then easing his fingers just barely under the waistband of her pants.

"Nn-nnnn," she warned against his lips, then turned her head to break their kiss. "That's not allowed."

His laughter said he knew it. He cupped her face in his hands instead, gazing at her with amusement, arousal and love. "Better kiss these tattoos before I forget about them." He laid a line of soft kisses over her forehead, then each one of her cheeks, where the invisible CDC virus batch numbers had been tattooed. Jane hadn't given a thought to those tattoos for a long time, and couldn't help but feel touched that he remembered they were there, even if they were only viewable in specific circumstances.

"You're very thorough," she said, letting her fingers wander down his abdomen, over the trail of hair that disappeared into his jeans. It wouldn't take much movement to bring her hand into contact with the ridge where his cock pushed against the denim, and her palm itched with the temptation, but she made herself look back up at his face, resisting.

Kurt had obviously seen her checking him out; his eyes were dark with desire as he turned her head and pushed back the hair covering her left ear. "This was the first tattoo we ever solved, and you were so determined to come with us on the case," he said softly, before pressing his lips to the address inked in Chinese behind her left ear.

"And you were so determined to keep me away," she countered, resting her forehead on his shoulder as he continued down from the address to the bird tattoo on her neck.

"Looking back, it's so obvious now that I was gonna fall in love with you." Was it the growl in his voice or the sweep of his tongue over her neck that was making her so wet for him? Jane couldn't say.

"Has it been thirty minutes yet?" She explored the solid muscle of his back and shoulders with her fingers, kissing his chest as he drew back from her neck.

"We could pretend it is. But that would be cheating."

His callused palms cupped her breasts, and she leaned into his touch with an appreciative sigh, pushing him back a little so she could duck her head and tease one of his nipples with her tongue.

"Jane…"

She pushed him back a little more, then backed off enough that she could cover his abs in lines of kisses, gradually moving lower until he cursed and pulled her back up. "You're not playing fair."

"Neither were you."

He just laughed, not bothering to refute her claim, and found her lips again.

Jane succumbed to his hungry kisses for a while, pressing her thighs together to try to ease the hot, pulsing ache between her legs. It only made things worse, especially when Kurt brushed his fingers against the hard tips of her breasts. She moaned into his mouth, cursing herself for not choosing a shorter amount of time until their alarm.

"If you keep rubbing your thighs together like that, could you come?" Kurt murmured, rolling her nipples between his fingers.

She rocked her hips experimentally, the movement sending a new frisson of pleasure through her. "Probably not, but it would feel good."

"I want you in my lap so damn much." His voice was breathless, husky, every syllable betraying his need. "Everything is perfect when I'm inside you."

Jane half-whimpered, squirming against the couch again. "You're making this ten times harder."

"Feels like it."

Jane kissed his lips again, trying to shut off the delicious flow of dirty talk. "You're not helping."

"I don't think you want me to help. I think you want to know what else I might say." He nuzzled her ear, his breath making her skin tingle.

"Kurt…" she pleaded, curling her palms over the curves of his shoulders to stop her hands from wandering too far.

"Are you sure you set the alarm right? It's not gonna go off in thirty hours or something?" She sensed he was holding onto control by just as thin a thread as she was.

"Now that you've said that, I don't know." And she was too busy kissing him again to consider moving.

He spoke against her lips, in between kisses. "How about you check your phone, then we go back into the bedroom for however long we have left?"

Jane drew back slowly, biting her kiss-swollen lower lip. For a moment, all she could do was take in the sight of Kurt reclining against the cushions—shirtless, barefoot and with a noticeable tent in his jeans. She must have been staring, because he closed his eyes, running a hand across his face. "Jane, if you don't quit looking at me like that, I'm gonna do a lot of things that land me back in the hospital."

She tore her gaze away, unable to help her smile, and stood up to retrieve her phone from the floor.

"Just over three minutes left." It still seemed like an eternity.

Kurt got up, pulled her to her feet and back towards the bedroom. She followed as though she were the moth and he the flame, reaching for the button of his jeans as they reached the bed.

Kurt knocked her hand away. "If you touch me now…"

"I know," she said, dropping her phone on the mattress, then tugging on the drawstring that kept his sweatpants hitched above her hips. The bow unravelled and the pants fell to the floor. "Your turn."

He unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans with obvious relief. She couldn't even imagine what it felt like to have his arousal so confined. As he carefully stripped down to nothing but the bandage on his leg, Jane slid onto the bed and checked the timer again. "One minute. Come here, Kurt."

He stretched out on his back, obviously resisting the urge to pull her down on top of him. "Ditch the alarm. We don't need it."

Jane quickly cancelled the countdown, removing the need for the intrusive alarm to interrupt them, then carefully straddled his hips. Kurt curled his fingers around either side of her waist, and she leaned down onto all fours to kiss him, still keeping her hips high above his.

"Think it's been a minute yet?" she breathed against his lips.

"Even if the answer is no, I'm saying yes." A tremor ran through him as she kissed him again. "Please, Jane. I need you."

"You have to stay still," she cautioned, reaching down between them to finally close her fist around his hot, hard length.

"I'll do my b—oh, fuck, Jane…" His eyes grew unfocused as she took him inside her.

Jane laughed at the unexpected profanity, loving the way he filled her, even as she made sure to rest enough weight on her forearms that she could keep her weight off his thighs.

He gripped her ass, trying to push her down lower, and she kissed his nose lightly in recrimination, resisting. "I'm in control, remember?"

Kurt swallowed hard, and nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

She lifted her hips higher, until his cock threatened to slip out of her, then sank down again, angling herself so that he hit her sweet spot. Again, then again, speeding up a little, watching the tortured pleasure flare on Kurt's face as he strove to hold himself in check.

She wanted more, wanted to throw caution to the wind and bounce in his lap, let him drive up into her the way he had yesterday, until they both fell apart. But it wasn't worth the setback it would cause to his injury. For now, she'd settle for this.

Kurt found her clit with the ease of a lover of many years, letting her grind against his slick thumb as she took him. "Feel good?"

She pressed her forehead into the pillow beside his head, her hips working a steady rhythm as her nipples brushed against his chest. "So good. You?"

"Staying still is…a challenge," he confessed, his breath shaking through his words.

She turned her head to kiss his neck. "I promise, once you're healed, I'll let you take me, so hard and so deep…"

Kurt groaned. "Count on it."

She picked up her pace, her thighs trembling as her pleasure built. "So close now," she gasped. "If I fall—"

"I'll catch you." His free hand moved to the back of her thigh, right below her ass. "I'll always catch you."

He would, she knew that. To save her weight from hurting his thigh, or to break her fall after a three-storey drop, he'd always be there for her.

She gasped out half-prayers, half-obscenities as her climax crested, arching her back and clutching fistfuls of the bedcovers as she shakily undulated through the orgasm. Kurt groaned, his hips jerking a couple of times before he managed to control himself, digging his fingers into her ass.

Jane tried to gather her composure, panting for breath, knowing that Kurt was still desperate to come. "Let me just…"

He laughed. "It's okay. You need to rest after that workout. Come lie down next to me. I can finish on my own."

Stubbornly, Jane rolled off him, then slid down to take his cock in her mouth. He moaned as she stroked him with one hand, turning her lips and tongue to the task of bringing him back to the edge.

"Jane—" The word was half warning, half plea, and she fought the urge to smile, knowing he was moments away from losing it.

He cried out as he came, spilling into her mouth, and she stayed where she was to coax him back down to earth with slow strokes and licks. After a moment longer, he murmured, "Come here?"

Jane carefully shifted up the bed, into his arms. "How's your leg feel? Did we screw up?"

Kurt smiled, his eyes closed, and shook his head. "No worse than before. Though it almost killed me trying to stay still."

Relieved, she rested her head against his chest. "Your self-control is iron."

He kissed the top of her head. "I knew you'd blame yourself if I hurt myself more. I didn't want that to happen."

Jane snuggled closer, overwhelmed with love. "Kurt…"

"It was worth it to watch you. To feel you come around me." He trailed his fingers through her hair. "But let's skip the thirty-minute endurance session next time. Or at least reduce it."

"You didn't have fun tormenting me?" she teased.

"Oh, I did. And being tormented. But every guy has limits."

Jane laughed under her breath. "I'll bear that in mind."

He trailed his fingers up her spine, to rest the flat of his hand over his name on her back. Now that she knew how much that tattoo meant to him, the gesture made her smile.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Kurt asked, "So, what do you want to do with the rest of the day?"

"Well, since we can't go out without hurting your leg, we could put on a DVD or something? And eat chocolate cupcakes for lunch."

"My usual rule is 'no meals made entirely of sugar', but since we did save the world this week, I think I've earned a little leeway on that one."

"Well, cupcakes also contain flour and eggs. Also, with rules like that, you're destined to be a great dad."

His arms tightened around her a little. "I hope so."

Jane glanced up. "Still worried?"

Kurt shrugged. "It's natural, I guess. But Sarah seems to be coping fine with Sawyer, and she can't even keep a houseplant alive."

"You're gonna be fine. As soon as you meet your little girl, it's all gonna click into place." Jane had to admit, as hurt as she'd been to find out that Allie was pregnant with Kurt's child—especially after she'd done the math and figured out the conception date—Kurt's enthusiasm about his new role in life was endearing.

"At least I know I'll do better than _my_ old man."

Jane cupped his face gently. "I know your childhood was hard. But you turned into the best kind of man, Kurt. And you can learn from his mistakes."

"Thank you." He turned his head to kiss her palm. "It means a lot that you think so."

"You bring out the best in people. Between you and Allie, your daughter can't lose," Jane said, looking him in the eye so he'd know how deeply she believed it.

He paused, absorbing her words. Then he shook his head, as though dismissing the subject. "Even so, I think I want to watch a movie without any parenting today. Anything you want to avoid?"

Jane didn't even have to think about it. "I think we've had enough terrorism in our lives lately."

"No parenting, no terrorism. That drastically cuts down our choices." Kurt gazed up at the ceiling, as though mentally going through his DVD collection. "You remember ever seeing _The Matrix_?"

Jane shook her head, recognising the title of the movie, but not recalling anything else about it.

"I think we have a plan."

As they dressed and relocated to the living room, Jane wondered if this kind of relaxed domesticity seemed normal to most people—or even mundane. It was so new to her that it was almost overwhelming. She couldn't imagine ever getting tired of it.


	7. A Moment of Healing

**Author's Note:** Thank you to those of you who are still reading (and BIG thank you to those who are still giving feedback - you guys sustain me!). I'm easing off the smut for now, but of course there's going to be more, when Kurt feels better. They still have to have shower sex, and kitchen counter sex, and oops-we're-on-the-floor sex, and making-up-after-our-first-argument sex, and of-course-I'll-marry-you sex, and...

* * *

"I've seen most of the stuff in those action sequences in a hundred different movies," Jane protested.

"But this one did it first. Bullet-time was ground-breaking. It blew everyone's minds at the time." Kurt frowned at her, shaking his head. Then, after a moment's thought, a memory struck him. "Oh, wait—I get it now."

Jane waited, looking confused.

"When I was a teenager, my uncle told me never to watch _The Exorcist._ He said he'd seen it on the big screen when it first came out, and then he'd had to sleep with the light on for a week. So, of course, I decided I absolutely had to see it."

"It didn't scare you?" Jane asked.

"It was just like every other exorcism movie I'd watched, only with terrible special effects. But at the time my uncle saw it, nothing like it had been done before. And every single movie after it ripped it off." He rested his fingertips against Jane's temple, sighing ruefully. "You were robbed. The ZIP ruined _The Matrix_ for you. I'm so sorry."

Jane laughed and gave him a quick kiss. "It's okay. It was cute to watch you being a fanboy. And the whole human battery part was pretty fun."

They lapsed into silence for a moment, just enjoying their time together, as the credits finished rolling. Kurt rested his cheek on the top of Jane's head, closing his eyes. Right now, everything was perfect.

When the DVD menu animation began to repeat, he reached for the remote and shut it off, knowing the short loop of music would start to grate on his nerves after a while. Before he could pull Jane back against him, she stretched her arms above her head with a sigh, then turned her body to face his.

"I guess I should get going; leave you in peace for a while."

Disappointment hit him like a punch to the gut. _She wants to leave already?_ Still processing her unexpected words, he only managed to say, "Okay."

She gave him a quick smile and stood up. "I'll go get changed."

For a minute or so, Kurt remained where he was, trying to figure out if he was overreacting to her intention to leave. He'd assumed they could spend at least the next few days together, enjoying the week off Hirst had granted them, adjusting to their new dynamic while they recovered from everything that had happened. Jane didn't seem to feel the same way.

He tensed his muscles in preparation to get up, then paused, remembering the way he'd practically started pining for her the moment she'd left to go grocery shopping. The possessiveness he'd felt when she'd admitted she'd enjoyed pretending to be his wife when they'd gone undercover.

 _I'm overreacting. Jane needs her independence; she always has. I don't wanna stifle her._

This was new to him. Usually, he was the one planning to leave his previous girlfriends' apartments, citing other stuff he had to do, places he had to be. Sometimes it had been reluctantly, but it had always been his decision to go, and the women in his life had been the ones disappointed. This was so different.

 _God, I don't want her to go._

For a moment more, he sat frozen in indecision, torn between his wishes and his doubts. Then Jane's words from the night before came back to him. _We're both so bad at relationships, it's a wonder we're sitting here like this at all. There's so much we didn't say, so much we didn't do._

In the past, he probably would have just let her leave—but the past had led to nothing but hurt, confusion and mixed messages, even earlier this week. He had to start being more honest about his feelings if he ever wanted that to change.

He headed into the bedroom, hoping his inner turmoil didn't show on his face. Jane was sitting on the end of the bed, dressed in her own clothes, tying one of her bootlaces. The shirt and sweatpants she'd borrowed from him were neatly folded beside her.

He leaned in the doorway to watch her, a wave of love easing some of his irrational nervousness. "You know you don't have to leave, right?"

She looked up, eyebrows raised a little in surprise. "I thought you'd need a little space by now."

Kurt shook his head. "Do you _want_ to go? 'Cause I don't wanna crowd you, if you're the one who needs time to breathe."

"I, uh…" Jane looked down at her lap, then back up at him, her expression sheepish. "I don't know how this whole 'relationship' thing works. I don't think anyone would call what happened with Oscar a relationship. Then with Oliver, the only time he came over to my place, he stormed out within two minutes. The first time I went over to his place, we were both tranquilised and abducted pretty fast, so…this is uncharted territory for me. I don't remember ever learning when the person who stayed over is supposed to leave."

He crossed the room to sit beside her, taking her hand. "There's no real rule for that. It just depends on the people involved. But even if there was a set rule for it, I don't think we fit any kind of traditional relationship mould."

Jane shot him a quick, embarrassed smile. "Yeah, I guess not."

"I was hoping we could spend a few days together, now there's nothing left to get in our way." Why did it make him feel so vulnerable to admit that? Earlier this morning, he'd shown her how to jerk him off without a flicker of self-consciousness, but this—admitting how much he wanted her around—felt like he was offering her a free kick to his balls, and waiting to see if she'd take it.

And it was so much worse than if he'd offered that free kick to any other woman, because Jane had the power to hit his emotions just as hard as she'd be able to kick him in the balls. Not that he expected her to have suddenly fallen out of love with him, but it would hurt even to hear that she needed more room to breathe, even though he'd respect that wish.

Was Jane blushing? It was hard to tell with the bruises on her face. " _Days?_ Kurt, I have no clean underwear."

Despite his nerves, Kurt couldn't help but flirt. "You say that like I care if you wear any."

She rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. "To answer your question? No. I don't _want_ to leave. I just thought that since this is your place, you might want to have it back for a while."

Kurt leaned in and kissed her, unable to express his relief any other way. She rested her hand lightly on his neck, kissing him back, and the skin-to-skin contact seemed as though it was helping to cleanse a decades-old wound that had never healed.

As though sensing the emotional storm raging within him, Jane slowly pulled back, her eyes concerned. "What?"

He put his hand over hers against his neck, not ready to lose her touch. "I was just gonna let you go, without saying anything. But then I realised that would have been no different from the other day, when I let you think I wanted you to go to California, and I… I don't want that kind of misunderstanding to get between us anymore."

Sighing, he finally met Jane's eyes, finding a dawning understanding growing there.

"I'm glad you said something," she said softly.

"When I first told you I loved you, without knowing if you'd feel the same, I was on the edge of passing out. I didn't know if I'd ever wake up, and I needed you to know the truth about how I felt. I didn't have that…that _fear_ in me, because of everything that had just happened, I guess. And last night, when we talked about everything, it all still felt kind of unreal, like I was dreaming the best dream of my life. It didn't feel like I was too far out of my comfort zone."

"But today it does?" As though sensing how much her touch was sustaining him, Jane squeezed his hand a little tighter.

Kurt focused on their joined hands as he spoke. "I'm used to being the one who keeps detached, who walks away from something before it gets too serious. Even when I'm not the one to end a relationship, I've always kept my partners at a certain distance. I guess with everything that happened to me as a kid, it feels safer that way."

Jane let out a quiet breath, but stayed quiet. She'd always been the most empathetic person he'd ever met. If he'd felt able to look up at her at that moment, he knew her attention would be focused fully upon him, her sympathetic expression plain on her face. Even without seeing it, it gave him the strength to continue.

"And safe was how I've been playing it with you, for most of the time since we first met. But those walls you keep climbing over to get to me—I told you last night that I don't wanna build them anymore. I just…didn't realise how fast it happens, how hard it is to tear it all back down."

"But you just did, even though it was scary. And that means _so_ much to me. I love you, Kurt." Jane rested her forehead against his, catching and holding his gaze.

"I love you," he murmured back. He paused for just long enough that she could see the truth of it in his eyes, then tilted his head to give her another long, heartfelt kiss.

* * *

In the end, Jane did end up leaving—to grab a few days' worth of clean clothes from her safehouse. Kurt had offered to drive her, but she'd insisted that even walking out to the car was more strain than she wanted him to put on his leg. He'd reluctantly let her go, and she'd promised to be back within an hour as she'd kissed him a temporary goodbye.

After using the bathroom, Kurt looked into the eyes of his reflection in the mirror. Part of him was wondering if the short but significant emotional battle he'd just waged with himself would show on his face. Another part was berating himself for overreacting.

To an outsider, watching what had happened—before he'd confessed to Jane how it had affected him—it would have seemed like she'd decided to leave, then Kurt had convinced her to stay. To most couples, that would have been all it was—a simple misunderstanding, easily corrected. Would it ever get easy for him to admit that he needed something from someone, outside of work?

Despite the significance of what had just happened, the mirror showed him a man who was relaxed, happy, with an undercurrent of relief. And so much of that was because of Jane.

So many women would have laughed it off when he'd laid his soul bare—dismissed his fears as silly, or changed the subject. The other women he'd dated had probably dreamed of him confiding in them so honestly, and would have been glad to listen, but he had never even thought to try.

But despite all he and Jane had been through—deception on both sides, then their months-long struggle to deny what they felt for each other, even after the truth came out—she'd never once wavered in caring about what he was thinking and feeling, acknowledging and accepting his pain and betrayal for what it was. That made it so much easier for him to admit when he was struggling—knowing she would never think less of him for it.

With her help, he'd already begun to heal. Sure, Remi and Shepherd had planned to tear open the ugly emotional scars Taylor's disappearance had left him with. But in the end, it had been more like re-breaking a bone to allow it to set properly—though it had hurt like hell, and would take time to really mend, it would be worth it.

With Jane by his side, Kurt felt optimistic about the future. Hopeful, even. And deep down, underneath all his fears and doubts, he knew Jane loved him. He'd known it for months now, even though he'd never listened to that part of himself until she'd actually spoken the words. While he gradually freed himself from the fears that bound him to his traumatic childhood, her love and support would be a foundation to build from.

 _A foundation? More like a starting point._ The thought made him smile to himself as he poured some coffee.

By the time Jane let herself back into the apartment a short time later, Kurt had pulled himself out of his introspection. The way she still hadn't asked what had happened to Shepherd worried him. If she'd let him, he wanted to be there for her, just as much as she'd been there for him.


	8. Sugar Rush

**Author's Note:** I'm holding firm on Kurt and Jane not having any more sex until his leg is healed, so here's a chapter that's basically angsty fluff and cookies, and moves the plot along not at all. But next chapter, Jeller finally get their celebratory drinks with the team. :)

* * *

 _ **The next evening…**_

"What do you think about inviting the team back for drinks tomorrow night?" Jane looked up from loading the dishwasher—a task she'd insisted on, since Kurt had cooked dinner, and she didn't want to sit around being waited on—as Kurt pulled an unlabelled plastic container out of the freezer. "I feel bad that I interrupted the fun they were having by taking you away from them. Patterson still looked sober, so you guys must have only just started."

Kurt limped past her to the oven, powering it up and adjusting the temperature. "You don't need to feel bad. It's not like we kicked them out. They…made a strategic retreat."

And Jane still felt a little embarrassed every time she remembered it. "I know. And I guess it would have been way more uncomfortable for them to watch us trying to act normal all night."

"Not as uncomfortable as it would have been for us." Kurt pulled her into his arms, giving her that unguarded grin that always made her heart flutter. "When Reade started making his excuses, I swear, I could have kissed _him_."

Laughing at the mental image, Jane brushed a kiss over his lips, then leaned away to put the final couple of items into the dishwasher. "But even so… We just wrapped up the case of a lifetime, saved the entire government from toppling. And I cut the celebration short just by showing up. I think we owe them a second attempt. I have so much I want to say to them all. And to everyone who works in SIOC, too. It will feel unfinished until I can thank them."

"Maybe you shouldn't have skipped my end-of-case speech the other day," Kurt teased. "You could have made your own speech while everyone was gathered."

"I do wish I'd been there to hear it. Did it bring tears to people's eyes?"

"Well, Brianna _did_ start crying at one point, but I think she'd been crying on and off since Shepherd convinced her to hand over my security code. It's hard to tell if she was grieving for Pellington, or overjoyed at the case being solved."

Kurt paused, as though waiting for something, and Jane realised he was hoping his mention of Shepherd would get her to talk about her family some more. Her stomach turned over at the thought of her adopted mother at the CIA's mercy, but she forced the images away, keeping her reaction hidden from Kurt.

After a few moments, he gave up, continuing, "I think I managed to get across to everyone how much we appreciated everything they did. I know we were the ones on the front lines—you, me and the team—but without all the hours they spent combing through data and connecting dots in the background, we'd never have stopped Phase Two in time."

Jane nodded, unsurprised that Kurt had thought to thank them. "You're a great leader, you know that?"

Kurt shrugged off the compliment, drawing out of her embrace to pull a baking tray out of one of the kitchen cabinets. "I'm no Mayfair, but I hope she'd be proud."

"She'd be _so_ proud, Kurt. I didn't know her as well as you guys, but it was obvious how highly she thought of you." Jane's throat tightened a little at the thought of Mayfair, and of her own role in the death of a woman she'd admired very much. "Maybe it's not my place to say this, after everything that's happened, but… I know you never wanted her office, but the way you've led all of us through this… She couldn't have done a better job."

Kurt glanced over, and Jane was startled to see tears in his eyes. His voice remained steady, though quiet, as he said, "Thank you. I guess we'll never know if you're right, but…I tried my best."

Jane hesitated, then reached out to touch his arm. "What are you thinking?"

He looked down at the oven, then returned to embrace her, his arms tighter than she expected. She returned the hug just as fiercely, her heart breaking for him. He'd endured so much loss and heartache, and some of it was her fault. She didn't know how to make that better, but anything he needed, she'd give.

After a few moments of just holding her, Kurt said, "I was just thinking about everyone we lost. I know you'll say that it wasn't my fault. Maybe you even think it's _your_ fault—which it's not, by the way. But all those agents Shepherd blew up at her compound, and the ones she killed at the NYO—I can't help but think that if I'd been a better leader…if I'd been on that raid instead of trying to get to Allie at the hospital, when she wasn't even there…if I hadn't gotten romantically involved with Nas…if I'd realised that Shepherd might actually try to get into the NYO…"

"No." Jane drew back, cupping his face in both hands, so that he'd give her his full attention. "Kurt, you always think everything is your fault, but it's not. You can't control every variable, and unless you somehow have the ability to read the future…"

To her surprise, Kurt smiled wearily. "Isn't this kind of a 'pot calling the kettle black' situation?"

Realising he was right, and the same words could have come out of his mouth, directed at her, Jane smiled too. "My point still stands. You did everything you could to solve this case. Above and beyond the call of duty. And if there's a single person who worked my case who thinks you screwed it up, give me ten minutes in a room with them, and I'll set them straight."

Kurt kissed her gently. "Ditto."

Jane wasn't sure she agreed that she was beyond reproach—after all, she was the one who'd helped set this whole whirlwind of death and destruction into motion—but she kept her thoughts to herself, gesturing behind him. "What's in the tub?"

The atmosphere lightened again as they returned to everyday conversation. "Frozen cookie dough. I always make enough for two batches, so I can have some on hand for emergencies."

Jane suppressed a grin as he transferred the balls of dough to the microwave to defrost. "And this is an emergency?"

"Yeah. We're out of cupcakes and you still won't let me go to the store, so this is my only option for a sugar rush."

" _I_ can go to the store," Jane offered, taking a step towards the door.

Grabbing her wrist before she could get too far, Kurt shook his head. "Nope. You're not recovering from surgery, but that doesn't mean you don't need to rest."

Jane rolled her eyes, hoping it would cover how touched she felt at the way he was considering her lesser injuries. "It would take me twenty minutes, tops."

"Yeah, well…I need _my_ rest, and since I can't rest without you, that twenty minutes comes off my recovery time, not just yours."

His logic was getting more ridiculous by the second, and she loved him for it, knowing he was masking his concern for her behind humour. It was obvious he was still worried that she wouldn't talk about the way the case had ended, or the time she'd been out of touch before coming over to tell him she returned his feelings. She'd have to face it sooner or later—but she and Kurt had earned this time together. Discussing her family would be an intrusion on their happiness.

She nudged Kurt affectionately. "I'd be happy to help you rest, if you'd just sit down."

Now it was his turn to roll his eyes. "I promise, as soon as the cookies are in the oven, I will sit down until they're done."

He was as good as his word, and they spent that time snuggled up together on the couch, their attention half on the sitcom on TV, half on each other. Jane was still adjusting to the idea of spending all of her free time in the company of another person. A couple of times over the past twenty-four hours, Kurt had jokingly asked her if she had somewhere else to be, or something she vitally needed to do. She'd had to apologise and explain that she was getting jumpy, waiting for the next crisis to hit.

Anyone else would probably have laughed and told her to stop worrying so much, that the danger was behind them and she should relax. Kurt, however, seemed as though he understood, distracting her with kisses or suggestions for something they could do together.

For the most part, Jane was enjoying the peace, and Kurt's near-constant presence. They spent most of their time in close contact, either on the couch or in bed, and not once had Jane wished for some time alone. Her body was still aching as it healed from her fight with Roman, and Kurt's body heat seemed to make it easier to bear.

Or maybe it was the aching in her soul that Kurt was easing. It was hard to tell.

Since Jane had insisted they stop aggravating his leg wound with sex, and Kurt had reluctantly admitted that it was hindering his recovery, they'd mostly been able to push carnal desire to the back burner. With the exception of a few kisses that had gone a little further than first intended, they'd kept their physical closeness free of expectation, though more than once she'd caught him eyeing her with a hunger that sparked her own.

Mostly—though neither of them would admit it out loud—they were too exhausted to think about anything more physical than cooking, showering and clearing up after themselves. The constant stress of worrying about the case had mentally burned them both out, and between the heavy bruising they'd both suffered in fights and the ambulance crash, Jane's intermittent headaches and Kurt's leg wound, they were both suffering physically, too. Sex had added extra strain, though it had been worth it in that first incredible twenty-four hours of connection.

Kurt stretched in preparation to move, bringing Jane out of her thoughts. "Want a cookie?"

Jane blinked. "Don't we have to wait for them to go cold first? You haven't even taken them out of the oven yet."

Kurt stared at her as though she'd said something scandalous. "You've never eaten cookies fresh out of the oven before?"

"Uh…I probably have, but I don't remember."

This was obviously a life experience Kurt considered vital, and soon Jane was holding a plate containing half a dozen chocolate-chip cookies, steam still rising from them.

"Give it a couple of minutes, so you don't burn your mouth," he said, his own mouth half-full.

Amused, Jane waited for him to sit down, then leaned against him once more, pointing to the cookie with a conspicuous bite-sized amount missing from it. "Like you did?"

Kurt picked up the cookie, holding it by the edges so it didn't burn his fingers. "I was taste-testing."

"Am I dating the Cookie Monster in disguise?" Jane teased, her mouth watering at the delicious smell rising from the treats.

"Nah, the Cookie Monster is Sarah. If you think I'm bad, you should see her. I'm more like Oscar the Grouch."

For a moment, Jane was sucked into the past, remembering how Remi had teased her fiancé with that exact nickname when he'd been pissed off about something. She covered the unwanted memory with a smile, telling Kurt, "Grouch? Not that I disagree that you can get grumpy, but you're actually surprisingly mellow these days."

"It's the pain meds." He didn't seem to have noticed her wavering attention, too focused on finishing his cookie. He nudged one towards her side of the plate they held between them. "Okay, try that little one. It should be cool enough now."

Jane tentatively bit into the sweet, crumbly warmth, and was instantly in heaven. "Mmm… That's so good that I might have to learn how to make these, just so I can eat them warm all the time."

"Thank god," Kurt said, grabbing another cookie. "For a second, I thought I might have to break up with you."

Only the mischief in his eyes betrayed that he was joking, but Jane burst into laughter, surprising both of them with the strength of her reaction. She took a few seconds to calm down enough to explain herself, Kurt's bemusement just making things seem funnier.

"I'm sorry. It's just…after everything that's happened, everything that went wrong between us—the idea that the relationship deal-breaker would be me disliking warm cookies…" She swallowed more laughter, shaking her head. "I know, it's not that funny."

Kurt kissed her forehead, a flicker of concern behind his amusement. "I get it."

"But it's not that funny." Finally calm again, Jane ate another bite of cookie before admitting, "I guess I've spent a little too much time obsessing over whether we'd ever get together, after what I've done, and what I am."

Kurt took her hand, and squeezed it reassuringly. When Jane looked up, she immediately knew he could empathise. "I know things haven't been easy for us, on both sides. But we got here, after all this time, all those false starts. No matter what happens, we already told each other how we feel."

"No more wondering and what-ifs, right?" Jane nodded, but had the feeling her smile wasn't as convincing as it could have been. "I guess…part of me is still waiting for you to realise you made a mistake."

Frowning, Kurt set aside the cookie plate and shifted to face her more fully. "Nope. You remember what I said to you, right before I kissed you in Roman's cell?"

 _I know your heart._ As his words echoed through her mind, she nodded.

"Do you think I'm wrong? That I don't know who you are, don't see you clearly?"

As Jane opened her mouth automatically, wanting to put him at ease, he shook his head. "Don't just tell me what you think I want to hear. Take a second. Think about it."

She looked into his face, so serious right then, and let her mind run back over the time they'd spent together, not only since they'd stopped Shepherd, but before that. Her mind snagged on a particular moment—of them confronting one another about the lies they'd told. Both of them had admitted that they'd done each other harm because they'd wanted Jane to be Taylor Shaw, 'more than anything'.

When she'd echoed his words back at him, she'd meant them with everything in her soul. She'd ignored the small suspicions she'd had that Oscar might be lying about her being Taylor, and the gut feeling that something about her identity didn't fit, because she'd desperately needed that connection to Kurt. And though his own reasons for needing her to be Taylor had been very different, she'd seen the way her words had hit home when she'd spoken them.

Despite how broken and disillusioned their relationship had become by that point, in Kurt's face she'd glimpsed a tiny seed of forgiveness. It hadn't been much, but it had been a precious strand of hope to cling to—that he saw how her need to believe, and to return his fierce protectiveness, had led to her being misled by Oscar. Through all the pain and shame, they'd understood each other, and how their own biases had led them astray.

That was where their getting to know one another had truly begun, untainted by the ghost of Taylor Shaw. Jane had stopped trying to fit into anecdotes from his childhood, or wondering if she behaved the way Kurt would expect Taylor to behave. And Kurt had abandoned the unearned affection and support he'd granted her when he'd thought she was his childhood friend. She'd had to start over, his justified distrust and anger making things much more difficult. And he'd probably second-guessed every positive feeling he'd had about her for a long time, punishing himself for the way Sandstorm had used Taylor's memory against him.

All of her uncertainties about her future with Kurt stemmed from how he might feel about her past actions. But he knew everything she knew about her past, and everything important about her involvement with Mayfair's downfall, yet still deemed her worthy of his trust.

If anyone knew her heart, it was Kurt Weller, because he'd needed to understand her, just as much as she'd needed him to.

"I believe that you know who I am," she finally answered. "And that you love me."

"Doesn't that tell you everything you need to know?" He ran his thumb soothingly across the back of her hand, back and forth, helping to ease her anxiety about the conversation.

"It's just… Every time I think I've found something to hold on to, it disappears. I'm okay most of the time, but I guess there's this tiny part of my brain that's trying to protect me from getting my hopes up." Feeling small and vulnerable, she waited for his response.

"You think I'm going anywhere, now I've made my mind up? I don't know if you ever noticed, but I'm kinda stubborn."

"Good point." Jane tilted her head up to meet his kiss, an overwhelming wave of love making her fears seem tiny in comparison. It probably wouldn't be the last time she worried about losing him, but here in his arms, she couldn't let it bother her for long.

When they parted, Jane noticed the flash of self-consciousness in Kurt's eyes. This kind of conversation was still new ground for them, and she tried to lighten the moment. "So, are you gonna save any cookies for the team?"

"Hell, no. These are our substitute-for-sex cookies." Kurt reached for the plate.

Jane grabbed the largest cookie from the pile, the second he brought them within reach. "In that case, I'm gonna need this giant one."


	9. Validation

**Author's Note:** We just finished our season two rewatch in our little group, and that inspired me to get back to this story. I'm not sure how many chapters until I fic-hop again, though! I tend to use this one as a stopgap when I need a break from everything else.

* * *

"This is going to be weird." The words were barely audible, murmured to herself, but Kurt looked over at Jane anyway.

It was about an hour before they'd arranged to have the team come back over, and they were in the midst of getting presentable for actual company. Kurt had showered while Jane was out at the grocery store, shopping for party supplies and a few essentials. She'd come back before he'd finished, but in contrast to every other time he'd gotten out of the bathroom after showering, this time she wasn't next to him, nuzzling his bare shoulder and running her hands over his bare chest.

Maybe the novelty of him being mostly naked around her was wearing off. "What's gonna be weird?"

Jane looked up from her seat on the bed—her phone was still plugged into the charger, which explained why she was sitting in the bedroom instead of the living room—and the apprehension on her face faded. Instead, she stood up and crossed to his side, wrapping her arms around his waist and kissing a stray droplet of water from his collarbone.

 _That's better._ He inwardly rolled his eyes at himself for how much he was enjoying the validation, but then tilted her head up for a soft, lingering kiss. _Still can't believe I get to do this every day._

She smiled up at him, and his heart gave a tiny jump, even before she said, "They had chocolate brownies on sale, so I grabbed you some."

"Thank you. Although…if you keep buying me treats every time you leave the apartment, I'm gonna get fat," he teased.

"That's okay. I'll still love you."

"I know. But the FBI does have certain fitness requirements."

"You could take a desk job." Jane laughed at his expression. "I know, I know, and hell will freeze over. I'll try not to go overboard with the chocolate gifts. I just… Before, when I saw things that made me think of you, it would have been weird to actually buy them and give them to you. But now I can, and I guess I just can't help myself."

A wave of emotion made his diaphragm contract. "Love you, too."

Another quick kiss, and he tried to gather his thoughts. "Speaking of weird, what were you talking about before?"

"Oh, uh…" Jane shifted sheepishly. "I got a text from Patterson, and I guess I just…don't know how tonight is gonna go. I mean, between the case being over and us being together now, everything is so different than it was a few days ago."

Kurt nodded, thinking back to his last day in the office, and the brief evening gathering that had followed. "It is. But different for the better, I think."

Jane's eyes clouded. "Yeah, for you and me. But Patterson? Reade? Even Zapata, though I don't know what exactly is going on with her."

 _Good point._ "Yeah. And we've all gone through hell. It changes people, but we have each other's backs now. We know who we are and what's important to us."

Jane nodded slowly. "Even so, I don't want to come across too couple-y tonight. It's not that I'm ashamed that we're together or anything, but it feels wrong to be too happy just yet. I mean, after the massacre in SIOC, I barely know how to look anyone in the face, and since it happened I've not really spoken to many people outside of our core team."

He gathered her close, held her tightly. "Jane… No one blames you."

She sighed. "I believe _you_ don't. Maybe the rest of our team don't, either. But the people in SIOC who worked the most closely with the agents who died? If they do feel like I'm to blame, I won't be surprised."

He kissed the top of her head, knowing there was nothing he could say that would change her mind. She'd have to see it for herself, when she returned to work. The time off had been good for them in a lot of ways, but it didn't give Jane a way for her to challenge her assumptions, and Kurt was feeling more and more like he should be back in his office, helping people deal with the aftermath of the SIOC attack. If not for the time he was getting to spend with Jane, he'd be trying to push Hirst to let him go back early.

After a long, silent moment, Jane stepped back from their embrace. "Anyway, I just don't want to make anyone uncomfortable tonight, so…"

"No making out in front of the team. Got it."

Jane smiled at that, the sadness in her demeanour lifting. "It'll be good to see them, though. You guys are all such a huge part of my life. When Hirst offered me a relocation, I just kind of…went blank on what else there I could possibly do with my future."

Kurt nodded. "Risk your life with people every day, and they become a part of you, I guess."

"Makes me glad we don't work with Rich Dotcom often," Jane said wryly.

"At least that's something we'll never have to worry about happening." _Thank god._

As Jane returned to her phone, laughing, Kurt resumed the task of getting dressed. His leg was still sore and tender, though the healing process was coming along. It would still be a week or so until he wouldn't have to worry about tearing his stitches.

And that day held a million possibilities he couldn't think about right now, with the team arriving within an hour.

He'd just finished fastening one of his more casual button-down shirts when Jane laughed. He looked up to find her watching him, amusement and desire on her face.

"What?" Intrigued, he moved towards her.

Jane stood up and put her arms around his neck, her gaze dropping to his chest for a second. "Just…thinking about an old habit."

Mystified, he waited for her to clarify her thoughts.

"This is the first time since we got together that you're wearing a shirt with buttons. You've worn shirts in exactly this way, for at least half of every week since I first met you, and I always, always had to stop myself from thinking too much about…doing this."

She tilted his head a little to one side and pressed her face into the opening at the top of his shirt, inhaling deeply as she nuzzled him with her nose, then brushed a kiss over his skin. His clueless curiosity instantly became lust.

"It was very distracting," she said, still nuzzling him.

"I'm surprised I never noticed that." He tipped up her chin and kissed her lips, much less innocently than he had before.

Jane leaned back, her voice a little breathless. "I used to daydream about doing that sometimes. Especially when we were standing or sitting close together, looking at something. You know when the way someone smells just…does something to you?"

 _Oh, yeah, I definitely know._

"Tell me more about this 'something'." He let his hands drift down to her ass, pulling her more firmly against him as his cock began to stir.

Jane looked up at him from under her long lashes. "I would, but we have nowhere near enough time for all the dirty talk that would lead to."

Remembering the team were coming over, Kurt shook his head ruefully. "You have the worst timing, telling me about this now."

"Hey, you were the one who picked the shirt." She toyed with his top button.

"At this rate, the team are gonna walk in, then straight back out again." And he'd cheerfully bid them all farewell…again.

"Want me to…take the edge off?" she asked, reaching for his belt with a suggestive smile.

 _Hell, yes._

"What about _your_ edge?" he asked, trying to think straight as she rubbed the front of his jeans.

"If you go down on me, you'll just keep going until they're knocking on the door." Jane gave him a swift, fiery kiss, her hands busy unbuckling and unzipping him. "But…I can multi-task."

It took his distracted brain a few moments to figure out what she meant. By the time he unravelled her meaning—that she could take care of herself and him at the same time—Jane was already sinking to her knees in front of him.

"I'll make it up to you later," he promised, wishing his leg injury away for the millionth time.

She smiled. "I know."

* * *

Reade was the first to arrive, drawing Jane into a hug as soon as she approached. "I meant to say this last time I saw you, but… Glad you're not dead, and not just because I get to avoid radiation poisoning."

She returned his embrace, laughing. "Thanks. Me, too. How've you been spending your week off?"

"Sleeping. I can do that a lot better, now Sandstorm's dealt with." He handed her a bottle of wine. "Want to get started?"

"Gotta get a headstart on Patterson, right?" Kurt took the bottle from Jane and headed into the kitchen.

Zapata walked in a few minutes later, grinning when she saw Jane. "Oh, wow, your face is almost back to normal already!"

"Natasha Zapata, queen of tact," Reade commented wryly.

"Oh, shut up. She knows it looked bad. Mirrors exist." Zapata rolled her eyes and pulled Jane into a hug.

"Yeah, still hurts a little, but it's getting there." Jane's bruises were in the sickly yellow stage of healing—she no longer got as many looks of concern from passers-by in the street, thank god. "Thank you for not pretending it didn't look awful."

"What, Weller was doing that 'you look beautiful' thing?" Zapata shook her head reproachfully. "Women are never fooled by that crap."

"More like resistant to hearing the truth," Kurt said, handing Zapata a glass. "Bruises or no bruises—didn't matter to me."

"Awww, that's almost sweet." Tasha gave him a quick hug. "How's the leg?"

"Taking its sweet time to heal. How's the gunshot wound?"

Zapata sighed. "Ditto. But at least we don't have to work through it, right?"

"Says the woman who ripped out her IV and left the hospital against medical advice," Kurt teased.

"Says the man who did the exact same thing after being caught in a bomb blast that tore open his jugular last year," Zapata retorted.

Jane winced. They'd all suffered physical injuries because of the Sandstorm case—Kurt caught by a bomb blast in ZOMO's gallery, Reade's leg crushed under the weight of Shepherd's collapsing compound, Patterson shot by Borden and tortured by Shepherd, and Zapata injected with neurotoxin by the Akkadian, as well as shot by Parker.

All because of Jane.

"Heyyyyy!" Patterson's voice interrupted her spiral into guilt, and she turned just in time to be engulfed in another hug. "Your bruises look so much better!"

Jane returned her friend's embrace, smiling. "Thanks for saving our asses again the other day."

"You don't ever have to thank me for that. I'm just glad it's over."

They settled down to drink, the atmosphere relaxed. Jane couldn't help but look around and think about how thankful she was that these people had all accepted her back into their inner circle, after everything she'd done to betray them. She was one of the luckiest people in the world.

After around thirty minutes, Zapata frowned. "Excuse me, what is this?"

Jane frowned as her friend gestured at her, then at Kurt, several times. They were sitting in separate spots, Jane having taken one of the dining chairs when they'd all sat down, and Kurt having chosen to sit on the couch next to Patterson. "What's what?"

"Did you guys have a fight already?" Patterson asked.

"No," Jane said, surprised. "Why do you ask?"

"Ummm, because couples generally sit together?" Zapata pointed out. "And you guys have barely interacted all night?"

"Told you," Kurt said to Jane, smiling a little.

Jane looked down at her drink, embarrassed. "I just…didn't want to make things weird for you guys."

"You wanna know what _was_ weird? When you guys were pissed at each other. We're just used to you by this point. You might as well give each other a little low-key PDA." Zapata shrugged.

" _Really_ low-key, though. Gonna have to draw a line somewhere," Reade added.

"As long as you're not making out in front of us, I think we can all deal." Patterson rolled her eyes and got up from the couch. "C'mon, Jane, switch seats."

"Yeah, don't act like you don't wanna." Zapata grinned.

"You guys are kind of making this weird for _me_ ," Jane said, getting up from her seat.

"Hey, you've been playing this thing out in our presence, the whole time we've known you. We're entitled to have a stake in it." Patterson sat in Jane's chair, leaving her to take the remaining seat next to Kurt.

As soon as she sat down, Kurt laced his fingers through hers. Hoping she wasn't blushing, Jane bit her lip and looked around at their friends, all of whom were giving small signs of approval.

"You okay?" Kurt said softly.

"Yeah. I guess it's gonna take some getting used to."

"It's good to see you both happy," Reade said.

"And it's not like we didn't know it was going to happen." Patterson's eyes twinkled.

"Just make sure you don't do this at work, and it's all good." Zapata raised her glass. "To Jane and Kurt finally ending their tortured 'can't have you' courtship ritual."

"To changing the subject," Kurt said pointedly, raising his own.

"Hear, hear," Jane chimed in, amused and embarrassed.

"To adorably awkward new couples," Patterson said, smiling.

"And to getting some takeout, because I'm starving," Reade added.

They all drank, not bothering to clink glasses together first, and Jane leaned against Kurt with a small smile. _To my friends._

* * *

A few hours later, when their bellies were full of Thai food and their glasses refilled with the drinks of their choice, Reade asked, "So Jane, are you gonna change your name now everything's all over?"

She shook her head. "I've been called Jane so often now, I'm just used to it. Might as well keep it."

"But Jane _Doe_?" Zapata asked. "It sounds like a fake name."

How could she explain it to them in a way that made sense? "I know, but Jane Doe has done a lot of good things to counter what Remi Briggs did. If I changed my name again now, it would kind of feel like resetting the scales. I don't want that."

Zapata nodded. "That makes sense. Oh, hey, speaking of everything being all over, I got in touch with Nas and told her about the end of Phase Two, but Keaton had gotten there first. I think she might be helping out with Shepherd's…debriefing, even though she's not with the NSA anymore."

Jane's stomach turned, and she closed her eyes for a moment.

"Zapata," Kurt said, a note of warning in his voice.

Tasha looked contrite. "I'm sorry, Jane. I wasn't thinking."

"It's okay," Jane said, forcing a smile. "I guess if anyone deserves a black site, it's Shepherd."

Kurt's fingers tightened around hers. "We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."

Jane looked around at her friends. "There was…something I wanted to say, actually."

Patterson frowned. "Go ahead."

"I just…" Jane stalled, fighting another wave of guilt. "I know you've all been through hell on this case, because of my family. And because of me. I just wanted to apologise again, now the case is closed. It _was_ what Remi wanted, but it was never what _I_ wanted."

"Jane, we know that." Kurt's eyes were concerned as she looked up at him.

"Yeah, you fought against Shepherd, and Roman, to help save all of our lives. If not for you disarming those bombs at the NYO the other day, we'd all be dead." Reade shook his head.

"But because of me, you remembered your trauma, Reade." Jane looked from him to Patterson. "And what you went through with Borden… Remi was the one who recruited him to Sandstorm. Zapata was kidnapped by Parker, and then later he shot her. And all of you were there for the NYO massacre. And Kurt…"

He shook his head. "You don't have to feel bad for any of that. Not anymore. It's in the past."

It was Zapata who came to Jane's defence, surprising her. "You went through just as much as any of us, Jane."

"No, I—" Jane started to protest.

"We need to make this clear, or you'll be apologising for it for the rest of our lives." Zapata shook her head. "I know how hard this year was on you. The longest undercover mission I've ever been on was three days, and I felt like a nervous wreck by the end of it. You were undercover with Sandstorm for months."

"It was the least I could do to make up for what Shepherd was planning," Jane said automatically.

Zapata sighed. "That doesn't change the fact that it was hell on you."

Jane shrugged. "You guys still had to endure more."

Tasha groaned. "Don't make me do this, Jane…" When Jane gave her a blank look, she said, "I overheard you freaking out, that time in the ladies' room."

Jane inwardly flinched. She'd thought she'd managed to keep the worst of her mental distress hidden from the team, but evidently not. Kurt was tense beside her, and she sensed the others' eyes on her, too.

Jane looked down at her lap. "You're…gonna have to narrow it down."

"It was a regular thing? Shit, Jane, I'm sorry," Zapata said quietly.

"When was this, Tasha?" Kurt asked. "And why didn't you say anything to me?"

Zapata's voice was apologetic. "Back when Jane first came back, I didn't trust her. So when she used to leave SIOC on her own, sometimes I'd follow her, to see if I could catch her doing anything that would prove she was still working for Sandstorm. I never did, because she wasn't, but one time I followed her into the ladies' room and overheard her having a panic attack in one of the stalls."

Kurt squeezed her hand tightly, and Jane swallowed around the lump in her throat, not daring to look up.

"Oh, Jane," Patterson murmured.

"At the time I didn't try to help, because I thought you deserved it." There was a note of shame in Zapata's voice. "I was glad you were suffering. But I was wrong. You didn't deserve any of this, and you've proved yourself a million times since you came back. We all know what side you're on now, and we know you would never wish harm on any of us. So quit feeling guilty, and quit apologising, okay?"

"Agreed," Patterson said softly.

"Hey, Jane, don't worry about it. It happens." Reade's voice held a reassuring note. Jane got the feeling he'd had a few panic attacks of his own over the past few months. "And this is gonna get me punched in the face if Weller hasn't gotten around to saying the words yet, but he's not the only one here who loves you. We all do."

Jane nodded, a warm glow spreading through her chest at their words. She really didn't deserve friends like these, but she wouldn't give them up for the world. Even if they did blurt out embarrassing mental health secrets during a social gathering.

About to tell her friends that she loved them, too, she instead smothered the instinct to smile as another thought occurred to her. It would be a good way to change the subject.

Putting on an air of confusion, she frowned at Reade. "Wait—what words are you talking about?"

The expression on Reade's face was priceless. He looked from Jane to Kurt with the increasing unease of someone realising they'd put their foot in their mouth. Jane couldn't help but feel a little bad for him, as amusing as she found the situation.

For his part, Kurt was clearing his throat and looking uncomfortable, running with her ruse. Only Patterson's open snickering clued Reade in, and after a few seconds, Jane joined her in laughter.

"Oh, what?" Realising he'd been played, Reade scowled at them good-naturedly and took another sip of his beer. "You have to admit, there was a chance you might not have gotten to saying it yet."

"He said it on comms, just after you went to tell the DC police that they could relax." Patterson gave Kurt a reassuring look. "I think I was the only one listening closely enough to hear it."

"He did? I thought I was paying attention, but I didn't hear it. Good ears," Zapata told her.

Kurt and Jane traded slightly self-conscious looks, but then he smiled and kissed the top of her head. "I didn't really have a choice about when I passed out, and I was afraid I'd wake up with Jane already on her way to California or somewhere, so…"

"I'm glad things worked out this way. Sorry if my meddling was unwelcome," Patterson said.

"Gotta admit, Patterson, I was surprised to get a hug from you when I walked back into SIOC," Kurt told her. "You were radiating some angry vibes there for a while."

Patterson shifted in her seat. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, you guys. I just reached the end of my rope, I guess. With the whole Sandstorm situation, not just you two, but you guys took the brunt of it."

"Are you feeling better now?" Jane asked.

"A lot less stressed," Patterson said hesitantly, "but I don't know if I want to…stay with the FBI."

Alarmed concern flaring through her, Jane sat forward. "You want to leave? But you're so good at what you do, and I thought you enjoyed it."

"We'd hate to lose you, Patterson," Kurt said quietly. "But it's your choice."

Reade and Zapata stayed quiet. Patterson's bombshell didn't appear to be news to them.

"I don't know if I can take it anymore," Patterson confessed, sighing. "There have been so many lives riding on me being able to do my job recently. Tens of millions last week, not just hundreds or thousands. That's…pretty scary. And I'm not… I'm not that stable these days. I don't know how I could live with myself if I make a mistake that kills people, even just one person, and I feel like a mistake must be coming up."

Jane swallowed hard. Patterson had suffered worse than anyone else as a result of Sandstorm's machinations. Any further trauma would likely break her for good. It would be selfish to expect her to stay, and yet Jane couldn't imagine their team without Patterson.

"What will you do instead, if you leave?" she asked.

Patterson shrugged, seeming embarrassed. "It sounds so trivial compared to what we've been working on, but…I always wanted to try and make game apps, do something fun with my coding skills. And there's pressure in the games industry, sure, but compared to the pressure we've been under every day, I think I could handle that pretty well."

"You should start your own company," Zapata said. "You know what the tech industry is like—full of insufferable guys with overinflated egos, who feel threatened that women might intrude into their sacred spaces and be better at their jobs than they are. The only way you're gonna get paid what you're worth is if you set your own salary."

"Hmm… Maybe." Patterson looked thoughtful. "Anyway. Nothing is set in stone yet, and we're supposed to be celebrating. Who wants another drink?"


End file.
